When a job is not a career

Last night, I was engaged in a conversation with my parents and I was telling them how late I would be home on certain nights.

"How come?", she asked.

Because the labour laws in Singapore govern a 42 hr work week? was my answer.

"How come need to work till so late?"

Um...I didn't answer that question. I didn't know how to answer.

I know she meant well, but I was almost going to say (to her, then) I don't get a proper job, you nag. I get a proper job, you nag too.

Is there an end to it?

Is it her, or everyone in general, that we always definitely will find something to pick on just so that we can feel more superior?

...

I am starting work next Monday.

So it is still the holiday period for me. Kind of.

I spend my time preparing for my exams (I have a proficiency test next Saturday and yes, I am feeling uneasy about it. I just hope I can succeed in obtaining level 11, which requires an average of 80 marks for each of the 5 test sections). Exercising. And watching TV.

I watch the "Only in Singapore" (I think that is the official translation. It is the yi fang ban ting yi shui gang) on nights when I am at home.

It is a lovely indulgence.

No, I don't think I am turning into a couch potatoe. And I may not get the chance even if I want to, which is a good thing definitely.

I thought the episode last night was very good food for thought.

Xiuzhen, the older child, was going to sever ties with her family (including her mother) because of a condition that her father has laid out. Her father has promised her a position in a Shanghai company as well as agreed to be his father (it is complicated) if she could sever ties with her mother.

At one juncture, Xiuzhen was in tears. "It is the society! When your interests are not threatened, of course you can be noble and say that you will not succumb to the socieity and its various pressures. But..when your interests are threatened, who would still say that?"

(Note however, Xiuzhen said she will draft the official papers to 'reconcile' when she takes over the company in future. She told her mum that this was just a temporary separation.)

What is your take?

I asked my parents, what if you had a daughter like that? She can give you 2 million, but you are not related in the name of the law.

My mum said...such a daughter, I wouldn't want her!

I don't know if I believe her. No no...don't get me wrong. I do not question the moral integrity of my mum. I just wonder about the words Xiuzhen said about your interests being at stake.

...

I know this topic is very heavy. Relations or money.

Actually, if you think about it, there are many ways you can reason it out. As always.

Maybe one thing to bear in mind is, do we need the law to justify or even approve of biological blood relations.

A long time ago, I used to naively wonder if I would ever sever ties with my mum.

(Did I make you grasp? I am sorry...I know I am of a poor character calibre.)

I mean, I really cannot fathom life with her. Then, I had thought I really probably will go nuts living under the same roof.

But if you think about it,

even if the law were to acknowledgement this severance of ties, the reality stands.

In me flows her blood.

In me are her genes (and yes, the genes of my grandparents and great- and etc).

In me are her traits.

In me are her mannerisms, things that I find bizarre myself.

At the end of the day, biologically, I am a transference of her entity down the generations, like it or not.

...

I hadn't meant to talk about that. I was more keen to talk about the interests being at stake issue.

I thought she acted very well. With her teary eyes and insistent tone.

But that aside, is that really the case?

When our interests are the very ones at stake, will we bow down to the very circumstances we are in?

I don't know.

I just know, when I try to think about the life she is leading--how she has to design ploy after ploy, devise schemes after schemes, engage in strategy after strategy--I wouldn't want to lead a life like that.

It will be very tiring.

Imagine, the very purpose of your life revolving around the collapse of other people, just so that you can step on their heads and climb higher.

Yes, it may be glamourous to constantly engage in the company of the rich and the famous.

Yes, it may be carefree to not have to worry about spending that next thousand dollars in your pocket.

But underneath that shell glamour and carefree side, what do you have?

...

I told R that I set a worst-case scenario for my prospective job stint.

Maybe I won't have any 'friends'. I don't think I will mind.

(Actually, I will mind but I will be fine.)

Do I look forward to working?

That is once again the million dollar question.

You know, yesterday I was just asking N if I ever become a mainstream teacher, will I get the opportunity to teach languages?

She said, based on her knowledge of how MOE is run, probably not, unless I be a primary school teacher.

So...I don't know if I will become a mainstream teacher after all. I don't mind being a primary school teacher actually...

That day, I was just toying with the idea of doing a Ph.D in linguistics.

(Did I make you grasp again? I am sorry.)

The ideal scenario would be that I become a teacher, serve my bond, and get the Ph.D, and serve more bond.

But if that was not to materialize, then there was no point in becoming a mainstream teacher. I have heard too many horror stories.

Wait. I am saying it in terms of my current perspective. Maybe I may change my mind next year, I don't know.

Having said that, what is my long-term career plans then?

Um.

I don't know.

Is that important?

...

Nowadays, I prefer to live my life in small sections.

I look at time frames of 1 year.

So I guess for now, I won't think so much about my long-term career goal.

Although I may have an answer by next February.