Aiyah...

I don't actually have much to write about. Ha, it is funny that I never seem to be in neutrality. I am either too busy to blog (and that is when I have a lot of grievances to voice, incidentally) or now, when I have the time to blog, I don't actually have much to say.

Actually, I do have something to say. I just don't quite know how to structure it to say it properly.

Anyhows...

I was initially exasperated at all the waiting I have been doing. One of the parties called me up on Sunday night.

It was to my delight, and to my parent's disappointment.

My delight because it was somewhat the thing I am hoping for.

To my parents' disappointment is evident...I mean, if it is something I hope for, it is probably (though not always) something they don't quite hope for.

Whatever it is, the fact that I had told myself that I will take whatever that comes first means I will take it.

It is not an easy decision to do that. I mean, I really do hope to do something to make them happy...

It just didn't happen. Yet. Now.

...

To a certain extent, I am thankful. Thankful because this is one step closer to my original intentions.

But having said that, please do not get the wrong impression--I do acknowledge that I can be disappointed and that this is just one miniature shift in the particular direction I am steering, or at least hoping to steer, to.

I mean, I am thrilled, even though I know this kind of a life has the potential to wear me out. The thing is, I figured I will be worn out willingly. You know what I mean? (Although the truth is, I will be worn out willingly no matter what the situation is. Duh...)

...

I don't know how to look at mi cumpleanos.

I think I should be happy that I am spending it here, but I am not exactly feeling that way. I think the burdens of life are blocking my sight.

And frankly, I have to confess that I do wonder about being here. It is so strange, but I feel this way.

And yes, my old tendency is sneaking up on me again! Aiyah! *hits the tendency*

*Gee...I am starting to look like I am in some Korean drama, ain't I?*

...

I guess this year is a bit less different.

I have no sense of anticpation. Which is weird.

Am I too busy? Um...no comments.

Am I too fed-up? Um...no comments.

Am I too...I don't know. I guess it is just different.

...

Another organization just called me up and said they may be interested in granting me an interview.

I wished I had said no, but I didn't.

Yikes.

And no, that is also not something that will make my parents happy.

Is it me, or is it them, I don't know.

I wish we are communicating more...but we aren't.

And I am really not sure why that is so.