To listen harder

Pardon my errantic behaviour and hence bewildering entry yesterday.

I am feeling better today. Much better.

...

I guess, after all my thoughts have settled down--thanks to the help of R--I can't help but admit that maybe I really shouldn't be trying too hard.

I am really hoping for acceptance. I am really craving for understanding.

But really, can my family really really understand me?

Can they really understand why I do certain things, and why I don't do certain things?

Can they really appreciate the reason why I adopt certain modes, and why I don't recommend other means?

I don't know.

I can just say, I tried my best, because I had thought that it was just that physical ocean that separated us.

Maybe not. Maybe not, after all.

...

So why is my life empty? Or rather, why am I feeling that my life is empty?

I think its a variety of reasons. Ultimately, maybe because I have lost focus.

Aiyoh...I don't know why that happens to me so much. Losing focus seems to be in my blood.

What are my goals in life?

Umm...

Umm...

I can't comment as of now. But I am sure I do have them somewhere in sight.

Lurking in some corner of my head. Waiting to be unveiled.

I think, I just need to listen hard enough.

Or rather, listen harder.

Something which I haven't been able to do since I got back.

Which I should really endeavour to do this Holy Week.