Hitting rock-bottom. Breathe.

I am feeling very shitty today.

So bear with me--this is going to be a shitty entry.

Super shitty. Depressing. Melancholy.

Dark. Evil. Lurking.

Demonic (I am exaggerating).

...

I have lost the spring in my step.

I think I lost it since Sat.

The truth is, it feels bad enough to be living a life of waste.

What is a life of waste? I don't know.

Like me now. Wasting away.

No, not wasting time away. I am living a life of abundance.

I have so many things to do and worry about that I have no time to stone. 'I' am so abundant.

But I feel my soul wasting away.

I hate life now. I hate it.

I hate the environment. The space that chokes me to death. The many routines and rules.

I hate the people. The quarrels. The good-for-nothing people in my life.

I hate the lessons I need to learn. Money lessons. Time lessons.

I hate everything now.

I hate God.

I hate myself.

I hate everything....

so much so that I wish I can run away.

...

But I can't run anymore.

There is no place to run to.

Or rather, I have just decided to stay right here and be brave.

Although I don't know how to fight all this. Frankly.

Although I don't even think I can do it. Honestly.

Although I can feel each and every cell in my body breaking away, wasting away...

I wish I can just take my heart out and paint it the way the whole world wants me to be.

That would be nice, really nice.

I wouldn't cry.

I wouldn't be frustrated.

I wouldn't need to blog.

Then I won't be having issues with everything, and looking like a misfit.

...

And stop giving me the advice that everyone has their ups and downs.

Sorry, I hope you don't take it the wrong way.

I know you will say that and I am grateful for that.

So really, thanks. I appreciate the gesture.

It is just not the thing I need.

I know what I need...so really, just stay where you are and continue breathing.

That is enough for me, for now.

...

That is it. Just keep on breathing.