Everyday is a gift from God--Sometimes I just forgot

I was feeling really sick just now.

So sick I had to take a nap because I could feel the bout of flu coming.

Maybe I got it because it is winter.

Or maybe I got it because yesterday, E got it and he was away from the party as a result.

Whatever it is, I had to make sure I don't come down with it.

Because I wanted to be in the best condition to go meet my friends this weekend.

I am going to Pittsburg.

...

Waiting is painful.

Waiting for anything.

Waiting and hoping that what you are waiting for is worthy is especially hard. Because you just may not have it end up the way you want it to be.

I am due to go on rematch already...but I have heard that because of the very fact that it is the Christmas-New year season, nobody is actually looking for anyone. And so I am just in limbo.

Again.

Yesterday, I had to help out in some massive cleaning up. (Please speculate why I italicise the words)

And when I was done with the dishes and cleaning the tables and packing and all, I saw that she has changed into her night dress already.

That got me quite fed-up.

Never mind that. I could still bear with it.

But I had to be fighting with the two kids over the use of the bathroom to shower.

You know, I never really had issues with the three of us sharing a bathroom. What I cannot fathom is...

The bathroom in your room is available...and I have been helping out to clean up. Now, I have to wait for an hour because your precious kids take forever to shower.

But wait, I think it is my fault. It is my fault I didn't usher them into the shower earlier.

And it is my fault for being so busy-body.

I mean, technically, I am only responsible for the kids. Why should I stick my foot into helping to clean up?

I get nowhere.

I get so tired. And then I get frustrated, because I can't shower.

Frankly, I am so stupid, right?

...

I had a conversation with J today.

He expressed concern about my plight and coaxed me to go home.

Like the many others who are reading this blog.

The truth is, somehow along the way, I also kind of forgot why I am still here.

Like J so blatantly and accurately pointed out, why am I engrossed in something that I have major grievances about?

I am not enjoying it. I am crying pretty much every other five days (or maybe less. Trust me).

So...

why am I still here?

...

...

D talked to me yesterday.

I was sitting by the fireplace and we started talking.

She said many things.

"...it is very important that you learn many things now while you are still young..."

You know, I never liked her.

I never liked her because I feel she is trying--always trying--too hard to please everybody.

But yesterday, I kind of understood why she has to try so hard.

Because nobody ever gets pleased.

And by that conversation alone, I turned my ill-feelings towards her a complete revolution.

"...acquire as many skills as you can when you have time...because you never know when your life will change..."

Which is true for anyone, isn't it?

But if her sense does mean something,

then really, why am I still doing here?

What is in this that is holding me here?

...

I haven't figured out yet.

I will continue to think about it.

But in the meantime, I will live and remember with faith that,

Everyday is a gift from God.

And like what R just said,

Don't waste the journey.

While the roads may all seem wrong and feel weird, I just have to keep remembering to keep walking and keep believing that...

They are there to help me learn.

The situations may not be pleasant, but I will learn.

And I will become a stronger person.

Don't worry about me, everybody. I will be fine.

...

I will probably sleep a little earlier and hope that the flu virus doesn't seek me out in the end.

Thank God for holidays (although the idea of spending a whole day with the kids is a bit...)

I get to wake up late too!