The frog in the well gets a nice tan

I will make this entry a short and sweet one. Or rather, I have to, because I need to get ready to go to work soon.

I am having my proficiency test tomorrow and yes, I am worried. Nervous and worried. Because I didn't do that well during the mock exam.

Mock exams.

No, I don't think they are meant to mock you.

...

After four days of work, I must say estoy muy cansada. It is very tiring. Very tiring.

Not tiring because I have to stuck on my chair for that long a time. It is tiring because I have many many cosas para hacer and no, I am not the only one with so many things to do. It is just that they have gotten round to it, and used to it probably?

And no, I do not grumble....although yes, I am still coming to terms about it.

R said he cannot understand why I cry when my logic clearly stands above all.

Um...put it this way: I am not a logical person by nature.

I am logical because I was trained to be logical. But I am not logical by heart.

That is why I cry over what other people so-acclaimed to be silly things.

Who judges what is silly?

It is subjective.

I think slaving my life is silly because I think life is precious. Others will thing that not slaving his/her life for money is silly.

Who is to judge?

Where is the logic?

...

But if you were to ask me, am I happy?

Well, all I can say is, as long as I can come to terms with the internal struggles I am wrestling with, yes, I will be happy.

And yes, I am slowly coming to terms with many things.

Pride. Ego. Continuity. Comfort. Wealth. Time.

Muchas cosas.

But that is not the thing I am afraid of right now.

What I am most afraid is that I may become...

that frog in the well.

That frog in the well which stares at the bright sky above but lusts no more.

The contented frog in the well.

Which is satisfied with water. With flies. With sunlight.

The rain comes and fills it up. I get my water.

The sun shines down and I get my tan.

Some stupid flies buzz in and I take the chance.

I have all I would ever need. It is all safe. It is all the same.

Day in day out, it will be that way (I am thinking of a tropical frog, so no snow so the water won't freeze).

That is what I am afraid of becoming.

And you know what...they always say: The very thing you fear will usually become the thing you will be. Simply because your thoughts gravitate towards it.

So really all I can is to cast that fear aside.

Cast that fear aside and continue living the life I believe in.

Right?

...

*shrug shoulders*