mortality

My mother is still giving me her long face.

I don't know why--she talks to my father (and possibly, my brother) but she gives me the long face. Until I feel like not acknowledging her even at home.

I don't know why she behaves that way really. How long does she think I will be by her side? *shakes her head* I find it so amusing. We are not immortals. Not she. Not I. We each have our own vocations. Or maybe I at least. And I know very soon, I will leave her...so I really find her actions so childish and so silly.

...

I went for a retreat over the weekend. It is a marriage preparation kind of retreat. So over the weekend, the other person that I really have contact with, other than the other participants around, was my companion.

I don't know if I had mentioned this before--but we almost couldn't make it for this round. Simply because he had taken so long to sign up.

He had expressed the intention some time back but I really loathed it when he procrastinates. So that was in reality what happened.

I had retireved the form. We had gone to the website. The website had said the weekend in May was available, so we zoomed in on that.

God knows why in the end he took so long. By the time he finally confirm-chop-stamp decide he wants to go, the places in June have been snapped up.

So I nagged at him.

We decided to try anyway. Well, July was still a good time. There was no rush.

And we went through the wait list for June...!

Altogether, 30 couples went for the retreat.

Initially, I had thought it was going to be non air-conditioned; everybody was going to be super friendly and supportive; I thought I would be one of the friendlier ones.

I was wrong.

Air-conditioned rooms were available for all of us. The males were housed on level 2 and the ladies were housed on level 3.

Some were normal-friendly; others not so. I, um...I was unusually unfriendly.

Usually, when I meet strangers, I will be the one initiating a conversation. Maybe because I hadn't come alone or maybe it was because I "obeyed instructions" (We were told that this weekend should be dedicated to your partner) so I was stuck in the 'serious' mode. Whatever it is, I hadn't actually made many friends. Looking at it in hindsight, that is quite disappointing; the friends could have become a network of support.

Anyhow...

I thought the camp was ok. Apart for the fact that I had to sleep with the lights on (YES! I thought I was afraid of the dark but at least I sleep with the lights switched off! I have met my match!) and that the food was super oily, I felt the camp has been useful in one sense.

You see, we have been talking about similar topics before we went to the camp. We have communicated about communication styles, expenditure styles, lifestyles...to name a few. We have talked about raising kids, relocating (if we need to), accomodation issues.

And because we have talked about them, the retreat was more of, in his words, an indicator of where we have been so far.

I would say...while I am no expert in relationships, ours are in reality pretty stable. I say that because I saw couples get upset, flustered, and I hear girls bitching about their partners...when they were engaged and were going to be married soon. We, in contrast, just talked.

And no, I do not mean to say we understand each other very well already. I don't actually think that is possible because we are individuals changing all the time. Not to mention my melancholy tendencies can sometimes be a hard shield to penetrate.

It takes a lot to communicate to another individual. For some of us, we don't even have the courage to face ourselves, what to mention another individual.

At the bottom line, it is respect, honesty, trust and faith all bundled together.

...

Initially, we had signed up with the expectation it was Fr. M who was going to go through the weekend with us (it said so in the pamplet).

In the end, to my surprise, it was Fr. O.

I am more familiar with Fr. M because he had come to our church earlier to give us a theology talk...but Fr. O...the only time I remember him was when he spoke slurringly during a session.

I was worried he was going to be speaking in his accent again.

....

In his words, the weekend marked an important phase in our relationship.

I guess so.

You would have realized that we don't always exactly feel the same way about things. But I am still grateful the relationship lasted till today.

I am also grateful that he is in my life, to be frank.

Come middle of this week, we will be celebrating our anniversary. I guess going for EE prior to that made it all the more meaningful.

Because I think, now I can really understand why marriage is a sacrament and a vocation.

And both of us like Fr. O so much now that we are quite certain he will be the solemnizer when we get married.

We like his facial expressions when he shared with us his experiences with parishoners.

We like his inserts of candid comments when he taught us about the basic principles.

I don't know...we just found him very fatherly.

Before we left, we asked him if he would mind coming to our church to marry us.

I don't remember his exact words but he did say he will, with a wink, if his schedule permits, if our church schedule permits and yes, if he is still around in the world.

Of course, he is 78.