Harden not your heart

In case you had thought that I am not going to blog anymore because I am safe back home (and hence, no more adventures, which is in fact relatively true), you were wrong! Ha!

Well, it is my second week back home. I am no longer sick and I am glad.

My boyfriend is coming home from his work trip to Israel and I am glad too.

All in all, I am glad.

...

I had gone for my first interview last Wednesday. It was at a Language Centre.

For what?

To teach Language lo.

Huh?

Yeah.

Specifically, to teach Chinese.

More specifically, to teach kids Chinese.

Huh?

Yeah.

I wasn't quite expecting it either. I had seen the recruitment on the newspaper which was distributed in my flight bound for home.

Talk about coincidence.

And I was really thinking very hard about going.

I mean, what do I have? No credentials at all.

But I went anyway.

The interview required me to read in fluent Mandarin a story.

A story about a missing rabbit after a flood.

Piece of cake. Pan comido.

That is not all.

I was also required to demonstrate a nursery rhyme. I could choose one out of five.

That got me jittery.

My gosh! It is not about diction anymore and that worried me.

I thought for very long before deciding which one to demonstrate.

...

It was over sooner than I thought.

And really, it was an amazing experience.

Amazing, because I would never have imagined myself doing that: demonstrating a nursery rhyme.

Yes, I blew my own mind.

*laughs*

I was supposed to wait for a phone call which will come next week.

I got one on the day itself. Three hours later.

I mean, they couldn't offer me a high salary. Simply because I didn't have any experience.

All I would be getting was the position of an Assistant Teacher.

So I opted for part time. I mean, I just need the exposure.

I just need the experience.

I just need that first chance.

...

I have been trying to sort out my life. Frankly, getting back into the rhythm and beat of a Singaporean life is not easy at all.

I was initially contemplating going back to my previous appointment at one of the polytechnics and resuming that line of work.

That would give me time off during the school's vacation slots, during which I could 1) polish up my Spanish 2) teach handicrafts at the community centre 3) concentrate on my craft of Pilates, yoga and dance.

That was the plan.

Until I really sat down and looked at the feasibility of it.

The truth is, if that were to become my lifestyle, I would be leading a very very very xiong life during the school term (because I plan to work four days a week and the workload only happens AFTER the formal classes are over, which means to say I need to work at night and during weekends probably).

I am supposed to be doing my diploma at night and that is the reason why R thought I really should opt for this choice.

Alternatively, if I take a full time job...

1) I am learning new things, and amassing new experience.
2) I may get to incur CPF.
3) I don't necessarily have to work after work and during weekends (note italics. I know that is disputable and debatable, but let's take it that way for now).

The odds are for it.

Of course, I won't get the semester breaks off to have time to do my own stuff. But I may be able to ganar mas dineros (garner more money) and then at least I have a padding when I leave overseas next year if I leave next year.

I don't know. The options are open.

It is really funny. This whole thing.

Funny, because I am doing things I never can imagine myself doing.

Getting a full-time job. Worrying about money. Taking life one day at a time.

Taking life slow.

*hums John Legend's Take it slow*

Ha!

But that is part of life.

I feel a change of heart. I don't mean it in the English literal sense. I mean it in the spiritual sense.

I can feel the transformation surging beneath my being.

It is all very different. But it is all very refreshing.

And as much as I am surprised, I love the changes.

I am so happy every single day I can't be happier.

Wait, don't get me wrong. My life is not easy.

I do think it can get better. But I am glad for whatever is in my life right now.

I still quarrel with my mum. I fight with my brother.

I worry about money, particularly because now I am eating off my family and we are not well-to-do to begin with.

I worry about my health.

I have disagreements with my boyfriend. I get disappointed with the things my friends do.

I miss the bus. I am late for appointments. I miss classes.

I don't have money to go partying. I hate feeling broke.

But that is life. The way it was, the way it is and the way it will be.

Ups and downs.

Happiness and disgruntlement.

But still, I am happy.

I am happy and thankful for the every single day I get to experience.

And really, that sentiment blows my own mind too.

...

I have been writing and sending out resumes for the past few days.

I go for my Diploma classes on Mon, Wed and Fri mornings.

I spend the day sometimes revising resumes, or I will just study.

And then I do cleaning up on the other days.

The week passes by very quickly.

And like I say, as I live my days, I keep my options open.

It really all depends on what options are available. If the polytechnic gets back to me first, I will do that. If some other organization gets back to me, I will do that.

I am all flexible.

Like I say, the shift in perspective is amazing, even by my own standards.

But I will live it out.

I like this, this courage to be myself. Maybe that is why I am happy every day.

And I just hope I will always have the courage to be myself.

Every day.