A bad employee

I thought I will cry--like I would always do when I encounter the same situation in the past--but I didn't.

Is this a sign of resilience? Of strength?

I don't know.

Or maybe it is just the detachment to emotions after a 10-hour work day.

I don't know.

And I don't care.

I mean, I care, but I don't care.

I feel very unjustified for myself, but I have realized that speaking up for myself is pointless.

No matter whose fault it is, it will ALWAYS be my fault.

His kids run slow--I am supposed to ensure a child's safety when going across the road--and as a result we miss the bus, it is my fault for being slow.

His kids take the car seat apart. Despite the fact that it was his wife's idea to clean the seats, I get the shit and he scolds the hell out of me.

The nanny didn't close the door properly. I get scolded for not ensuring that the door was secured properly.

The kids make a mess of the bedroom. They ruined the cream. I get scolded for not making sure that the cabinet door was locked.

The nanny dispenses thermometer tips each time after she has used it. I get scolded for not having asked.

Fine.

I give up.

...

Today was a terrible day. Terrible.

But I am glad it is over.

I have three more working days to go. One of which is a day of massive laundry. It would be a busy day, but I am pretty sure it will be a manageable one.

And at the end of the day, I came to a revelation:

I was always someone of a lower status.

I could tell from the way they talk to Michelle and Jenny.

You know...there was one time when it was pouring and he clearly saw that I had not brought any umbrella with me.

He was going home first, and I was down at the lobby already.

He came down with two umbrellas and asked me how I was going to fetch the kids without an umbrella "These two are for me and Michelle".

Jose witnessed the whole incident and lent me one immediately.

Just now...Michelle incurred the same mistake of letting the kid pour too much chocolate into his milk and he said nicely to her "Never ler him assume the task" whereas he had snapped at me "YOU CANNOT LET THE KID DO IT HIMSELF!"

Oh well.

It is fine.

I didn't cry.

I am hurt, but I am fine.

And I still stand by the stand that they are nice people.

They are just bad employers.

And I am just a bad employee.

*shrug shoulder*

Is it anyone's fault?

I won't make a judgement, although I know they will.

And I don't care.