Moving on. Moving on.

I know it has been a super dupe long time since I last blogged.



(That is a *warning* that this entry will be super-dupe long.)



A week it was.



I didn't disappear from the surface from the Earth (I need to reaffirm you that by blogging).



And it is ridiculous how time passes.



Really.



Just last Wednesday, I was laying on the floor of the room and staring up into the ceiling.



Looking at what?



Nothing.



Hoping to see what?



Well, I don't know. I guess the closest answer would be God.



Where was God?



I knew deep inside my heart, I had to continue waiting.



But what am I waiting for?



I hadn't the least idea.



I only know I was starting to lose myself amidst all this wait.



I was starting to blur. That image of myself in my head was blurring...



It was getting all fuzzy.



All so fuzzy.



I just cannot recognize myself anymore.



Like I said, I hated myself for that very decision of waiting.



Ha. God and me. In conflict. Doesn't that sound like all of us?



...



I woke up on Friday telling myself I have had enough.



No more of this stupid ridiculous stint of humoring myself to please some brainless ignorant unreasonable kids.



Why should I do that? I have better things to do in my life.



I can humour my boss. And at least, I won't despise myself so much because I get a *normal* life.



I can humour my mother. I won't hate myself so much too--I have so much to make up for.



I can humour ...I don't know. I just want to go home.



And my mind was so set up that very morning that I had gone to the library to borrow 8 big books on the USA.



I was planning to go down to Central America first to brush up my Spanish and at the same time, do some volunteer work.



It will be tough.



But it will be something that is closer to my heart.



No, I am not some noble being who believes in saving the world.



I just believe that if I were given a choice of staying here and seeking such an 'Experience of a lifetime', I would rather pay my own air ticket and head my own version of that.



Staying here is just a fight I cannot win. Not anymore.



So after hearing R out, I have decided that I will be thick-skinned enough to stay until Feb 17.



That will give me sufficient time to plan the logistics of moving from here down to Central America before I head to Canada.



It is not a perfectly ideal situation, but at least I know--for once, again--what I am doing.



That afternoon, I had gone to the library and borrowed 8 books on California, Washington, Canada nd Costa Rica.



...



The way things twist is a little unexpected.



On Friday, I had decided to go against my usual schedule of preparing meatloaf at 4pm. I started preparing at 3pm, thinking that I will take a break from 330pm to 430pm and look through my travel books.



As I was making the meatloaf, the phone rang.



I have realized that more often than not, the calls are nuisance sales calls which I shouldn't be paying attention to.



So I ignored it.



As it rang...I decided...I could pick it up if I could reach it in time. So I started walking towards it. That was the third ring already.



The phone rings four times before getting directed to voice mail.



Let's just put it this way: The chance of me answering that call was slim.



So I walked over and picked it up at the last ring of the fourth ring.



It was a call for me.



Huh? I went.



And she said very quickly she was a host family...blar blar blar.



Huh? I went again.



She went on to ask me about my swimming abilities and if I spoke Mandarin.



Huh? I thought to myself.



...



And so it did.



With a strange twist of fate.



Someone actually called me.



After 9 days of waiting.



The thing is, for this host family, she also believed that it was God behind everything.



She was scheduled to have an au pair arrive next week. Her visa was denied and she was just informed.



Wah.



So she has been frantically calling up potential candidates.



I was just one of them.



...



I enjoyed talking with her. I thought it was a pretty good conversation.



And ...



I just can't help but marvel at God's plan.