Good-bye NY. Hello, home.

I am sorry that I have been missing from MSN Chat. The current machine does not have it installed and the host dad is very strict about it and so...(I had to get his permission to install Voipbuster, and it was like a repeated plea for him to look at it)

Anyhow, you probably know that I have made up my mind to go home.

I asked myself once again if I could bear with everything and last 7 months. That way I wouldn't need to pay for anything, right?

(Well, actually not. I have to pay less but I still have to pay.)

And deep down inside, I know I can.

If if if...

it is just about minding the kids.

I have had trouble earlier because I didn't know how to interact with them. The truth is, I love them. I earnestly do.

I love them because they are bright and cute and smart and funny and sweet.

Like how AJ will offer me an apple.

And how Kathryn will give me a boo-boo bear for my booboo.

And how Kasey will whisper in my ear that he loves me.

I think they are nice. I love them.

I really do.

But the housework is just too much for me.

On tuesday, I was working until I think I will just faint. Literally.

And no, I am not joking. I remember having blurred vision and spinny head,

I am kind of feeling that way right now...a difference being that I am not working now. I am blogging.

But I am tired. Really physically tired.

I think I am falling sick and that is why, despite the fact that I have a metro card today, I don't think I will go out.

Tomorrow is a long day. Massive laundry. Cakes to bake. Changing of sheets.

Saturday is another long day. From 930am to 730pm. No break.

Sunday is another long long long day. 730am to 730pm. A 2 hour break in between.

I really think this is the hardest I have worked ever in my life.

So really, don't complain.

Because I am there to pad you.

(I can imagine Bing smacking my butt for saying that. Sorry, don't get me wrong, Bing. I am just saying, at least you get a reasonable rate. I am so exhausted, am on the brink of breaking point and I am just a meagre servant/maid.)

....

I know Sebastian and Jeff are reading my blog so this paragraph goes out to you:

Don't come and fetch me at the airport. I am probably landing on the wee hours of the morning.

And yes, I know you guys don't need sleep. I don't need a real-life testimonial of that.

...

Currently, the schedule is tentative.

I have initially planned on leaving immediately on Feb 13th but that is a Wednesday.

I attend Spanish class illegally now and I really hope to go for that class. And so I think I will.

I will therefore head for the airport in the wee hours of the 14th.

Tentatively, my flight is a 630am one. I am likely to be touching down on the 15th. I don't know; I have to wait for the confirmation before I book my tickets.

...

I have learnt many lessons here.

Many important lessons.

Of which I probably can't get in Singapore.

For one, I wouldn't have ever set foot in a police station. So that was an eye-opener.

I wouldn't have understood the many reasons people want to be in the US.

I wouldn't have realized how much I can rely on myself.

I wouldn't have realized how inconvenient it can be to travel alone.

I wouldn't have learnt how to interact with kids.

I wouldn't have learnt that life doesn't always work the way you want it.

I wouldn't have discovered how close God is.

I wouldn't have unveiled my gift of writing

(In case you are baffled why I say that: I had gone to take a placement in the community college before I decide to quit so that I can take Spanish here. The placement test is a series of open-ended questions like how old I am, what did I do yesterday, what will you do tomorrow, etc..except that it is in Spanish. It was supposed to take me only 15minutes, but I took an hour. Because I had too much to write! In fact, one guy had come in when I was one-quarter through and left before I even had a chance to finish. So the professor took my script and looked at it and asked me where I had learnt my Spanish. I just said, home. She gave an exclamation "Now we have a problem". I could only scratch my head at her comment. It was so bafling. What did she mean???

Well, and she took me into her office and told me that I was writing better than many native Hispanoamericans--people who speak Spanish as a native language--and I can only smile in embarassment. Because of the fact I was writing so well, she had trouble placing me. The truth is, I had gone with the mindset of being placed in Spanish II but she was suggesting Spanish III. So, she went to talk with another professor, talked with him and he said he would like me in his class. The only problem was that the class would be in espanol. I said I really wanted to try and so that is why I have classes. And I absolutely love it. It is just a pity I have to let it go though...I guess it is just one of those things you know you gotta do. Like I said, life doesn't always go the way we want it. Hopefully, I will find a job that can allow me to pursue it further)

Anyhow, if you were to ask me how I am feeling right now, I can only say...

Relief and grief.

I am grieved that I haven't had a chance to learn dance here.

5 months in NY. Not a single chance to attend class.

How ironic is that?

Well.

Life is always full of ironies.

The lab technician (my language lab for the Spanish class) was saying this to the class yesterday:

(It was more of a 'warning' to tell people to not abuse the computer facility. We have to do lab. We use the computers to practise speaking and writing)

Don't play computer games here. Lab is important. School is important. Make full use of your time.

Make full use of your time.

And yes...by being here, I wasn't making full use of it.

*smiles*

I will go get the groceries now. I have nothing to eat for lunch.

See you...soon.

I miss you. Everyone. And thanks for missing me.

Hasta luego.