A Retreat into wait and hope

I have just returned from a retreat over the weekend. It was a retreat for the choir which I am in, and I must confess I had second thoughts about going initially. Simply because, I am really not that close to anyone, and I am really afraid of being left out. But I decided to take a gamble to go for it.

...

I am glad I did.

Because while the initial sessions (the whole retreat is divided into various sessions) wasn't that great, it slowly built up to a climax that moved me to tears.

Yes, quite literally.

It is funny, because I had seen that particular cartoon (not animated, just a 2-D cartoon) at least twice, but I hadn't been this moved.

I was so moved until I was weeping.

And it is just an oxy-moron cartoon--you've probably seen it--called 'The Cross'.

The cartoon starts off with a lot of people carrying their crosses. Evidently, it is heavy.

It zooms in on one character--that's supposed to be you--which then comments "Lord, it is too heavy. Please cut it down a little."

The character proceeded to cut it himself.

He continued on for a distance before sheepishly looking up again, saying "Lord, please cut it a little more. I will be able to carry it better..."

And he cut the cross more himself.

He walked on and reached a valley. He wasn't sure how he should cross it. He stood there...as everyone else proceeded to lay the cross across the valley to move to the other side.

He sat down, exasperated.

...

I thought it was a powerful message then...because it spoke right to my heart.

We all experience struggles in life. Often, we think we can't continue anymore.

But actually, that is not true. We can continue, if we just continue.

Please do not get the impression it is a passive state of mere waiting, because that is not the case.

In that act alone lies perseverance, surrender and courage.

...

I especially like L's sharing about her family plight.

She has been in the same company for 20 plus years. In that span of a fifth of a century, she has only been promoted once.

All the time she shared, I kept wondering if my plight is a microscale of hers.

But she has hung on in her job because her husband hadn't been able to keep his, and she needed the job to provide for the family.

For fifteen years, she has been very angry. She has been resentful. She has been disappointed.

I am not sure if I can ever emphatize because that alone, hanging on for twenty-plus years is just seemingly impossible.

But now, she has turned that negative energy all into positive vibes. She is thankful that she has been able to bring food to the table. She is glad that the family is still intact together.

On Saturday, they celebrated their 20-plus-th wedding anniversary.

And all I see is courage and strength.

...

So I am really thankful I went for the retreat.

Because as of now, I feel recharged. I guess that is what retreats are supposed to do to you.

And I hold this message dear to my heart: That I not clamour for anything.

I will just keep on walking. And wait as I walk.