Great expectations. An act of pretence.

Yesterday was one of the more 'eventful' and unpleasant days that I can remember.

Eventful, because the day was packed packed packed (as Boon would say eventful although it just means a tight schedule). And I was almost rushing from place to place.

(Yes, I am trying to look at ALL things from a positive perspective.)

After Mass it was grocery shopping. Then it was lunch before I head out to meet friends. Before I go to Bugis to change my stuff. Before I go for my company dinner.

So yes, eventful it is.

And eventful my spirits were too.

...

I met up with my council friends in the afternoon. Only 5 of us turned up.

I was disappointed at the turnout. Is it me? Well, I don't know.

Anyway, I still think it was a good meeting (sometimes, meetings can be bad). It was quite awkward at times because 1) we didn't know what to say 2) we don't have anything to say, probably because we have been too out of sync with one another.

And I realise, really, that is how life works. Time moves on and sometimes, we really don't know that person we used to know anymore.

...

Then I went for my company dinner.

I was having full expectations of it initially. But I was disappointed.

Maybe...maybe I shouldn't have expectations of it in the first place. Then, yes, maybe I won't be disappointed.

You see, when I was contemplating whether I should attend (and yesterday, since I was running a bad nose, it was whether to turn up in the end), I was persuaded to.

On hindsight, I wish I hadn't turned up.

And no, I do not intend to say bad things about the dinner. The sashimi was great! The fish was fresh. The layout was nice. The service was excellent.

I just felt...

Yeah, it just didn't feel naturally good.

Frankly, I did wonder if I could stay in contact with them after I leave. After last night, I think I kind of know the answer.

Certain feelings do not need to be explicitly spelt out.

Certain nuances do not need to be explained.

...

This is the Advent week for Joy. So nope, I shan't ponder over why I was disappointed.

Maybe, that is just the way life is meant to be. With expectations, disappointment may ensue.

So that is why, people always say,

Do not expect anything.

Do not.

And I tell myself:

Do not try so hard to pretend to be someone else.

There is no need to pretend.