For a season...and a reason

Some friends are in your life for only a season.

I don't know if this is really true, but that was how I consoled myself last night.

Although I am not even sure if 'console' is the right word to use.

....

I was at Y's wedding last night. And I felt weird.

Weird because I was there, but I kind of felt I shouldn't be there.

It is not that I don't want to share in her celebration. I am just not sure how much she wanted me to be there...

The truth is, we were once best friends. But now, we don't even talk to each other.

So really, when I saw the rest of the gang at the reception table, I can't help but feel sad. Sad because I really don't remember exactly what happened. I can only speculate.

We used to be JC classmates, all four of us. (Gerald, if you are reading this, you know Y too and please note that I don't use a direct abbreviation). But for some reason, I was either dropped out of the gang, or they dropped me out...and the worst thing is, I can't remember which is the case and so I really don't know how to fix it from here.

It was a very big grand wedding reception. Many people were around, and all in all, there were about 38 tables.

Y's friends put together a video for her (and her husband) and the gang was in it, of course.

They said many wonderful things, all of which I would agree.

And never mind that I wasn't asked, I guess I can always use this space to write about my thoughts of her.

As what E said, she was a writer, a person who wrote appreciate notes to people when they were down or sad. And I remember that.

M commented that her GP was powerful, and she was my GP teacher's favourite student. And yes, she was always very halpful.

For myself, specifically, I will always hold the memories of the Graduation Ball dear. I don't know if Gerald remembers anything about the ball...(I suspect he doesn't)

I remember that I went to stay over at her place after the Ball in Shangri-La Hotel. I remember we tried to talk for a while but we ended up not very successful.

I also remember her 21st birthday celebration when she invited the whole of the DC gang with my boyfriend-then on board. I don't know if I ever told her that I appreciate the gesture very much.

...

The last time the four of us were together was at some pizza place in the Forum. I don't remember where I was rushing to, but I do remember not eating much because I was still on a restricted diet.

Whatever that happened between us after that, I really cannot remember.

I would have loved to keep in touch; I am not sure if it was because I was becoming an emotional baggage to her specifically.

As you can tell, I still struggle with issues pertaining to my mum. Then, I struggled and I often confided in her. Now I still struggle, although less.

I remember she was trying very hard to get me to get over issues pertaining to my mum. I think I just didn't learn fast enough.

....But really, I don't know if that was the reason.

Anyhow...

I am happy for her. Very happy for her.

We met in University once by chance when she and her boyfriend (her husband now) joined the Lindy Hop class I coordinated. It felt...weird.

I also remember apologizing to her about the events in the past (whatever that happened between us) but I think she just shrugged it aside.

If friendships ever had expiry dates, then maybe ours had reached its time.

...

I was seated with the DC last night and I am very glad about it. For the simple reason, I would have nothing to say at the other table.

You know...everyone has different prime stages. Stages during which they are truely themselves.

For me, I think it would be during the Primary school (wha! Yes...) and University days. And during my RCIA now too...

This phase is when you are yourself most truly...when you don't feel the need to pretend, to hide anything, when you can just be yourself.

But then again, I do appreciate the people at the many phases of my life. Because it is through them that I am myself today.

Although when I reflect about my JC company, I wonder how many have kept up with the me that is now.

Maybe only Gerald...?

I don't know, but yes, I do feel something for the lost friendship.

And I shall console myself that...

some people are meant to be in your life for a season, for whatever reasons that only God truly knows...

and maybe she is just one of them.

I wish her all the best.