I took a day off today...

I am back from my test. It was really a hard nut to crack.

The test lasted three hours plus. There were four components to the test, and I kind of felt it was really gruelling, especially towards the end, when I am already so mentally exhausted.

The first section was still ok. I had to edit a four-page long (pseudo-) speech. It was frankly quite difficult, but still manageable. The second part was the analysis part. Aiyoh...that one was really long. Imagine forty MCQ based on a three-page essay. *shakes head*

We had a break before the third section, which was on reasoning. I completely cannot get this, as in I didn't even understand the answers to the sample questions (and I didn't clarify because I don't think I would have understood either). There were forty questions which we had to complete in thirty minutes--yes, do your math.

The last one was the breezer, although I really wasn't sure if it will be useful a breezer to me. Skali by the second section, my scores would have me axed already? I don't know.

...

How am I feeling?

Well, a little lousy. I mean, I kind of really hope I will get it but then again, after sitting through the test, I am not sure if I have the calibre. It is a tough selection process--it really is. Behind the supposed glamour and champagne glasses, a lot goes into the job and maybe, I am really not the kind material who can withstand such pressure.

That being said, I still feel lousy. Because I take pride in my abilities, and my exhaustion at the test seems to suggest that I am perhaps not as mentally agile and able as I would assume myself to be. Maybe I wasn't ever mentally sharp and acute--I just assumed I was. Maybe I have been wearing too big a hat, and now my eyes can't take the glare.

Anyhow, I am still glad I got the experience. I really do give thanks to God for the chance to even go and sit the test. The truth is, I would never have expected myself to walk in that road into the building to sit for the test. I would never have envisioned this opportunity for the experience.

And I thank God for what I have gained thus far.

The test is the first step to a three-part recruitment process. The fact that my application was considered is something I am glad about, and everything else is really a bonus already.

The truth is, it is really amazing how I can tell myself to look at things with such a mindset. Maybe this is what it feels to be touched by the Holy Spirit--there is nothing else in life you cannot face. You just take the rest head on, simply because you know God is there walking with you.

I told myself, before I went for the test, that really, some things are just meant to be. Prayers are never not answered as I had realized; they are just not answered the way you thought it would be. For me, this episode particularly, I am thankful I got past the preliminary stage (I had to write 2 200-word essays). Should I get it (which I probably won't), then it is God's will that I get to be in Singapore for the next couple of years (and maybe be a facilitator for the next RCIA journey). Should I not get it, then maybe it just means I really am meant to be a teacher after all.

I don't know if it looks like I am 'resigning to fate'. I took a long time to grapple with that too. I mean, you know how I am. Headstrong. Focused. Determined. Obstinate. I want to see the world, feel the world and run with the world. Such am I!

But I have also realized,...

we really do have certain roles. No matter how hard we run or shrug from these, you cannot deny the very purpose which you were created for in the womb.

...

Sorry if this blog sounds so 'serious'. I don't often have the time or the mindset to sit down and blog. It is great that I have some time today (I took leave today to go for the test, and I console myself by saying that I don't have to take more days of leave for the next rounds)....

Life goes on.

So the next thing for me is to apply for the JET programme. I will still keep trying.