A compilation of random thoughts

It is finally coming to the end of the month again.

Yes, I am sure you are as happy as I am if the last day of the month is your scheduled payday. Though yes, it is quite sad, isn't it, for one to hang on for a whole month just for that one day.

Well, life is like that.

I am not in too good a mood now (I didn't use today because I woke up happy and I went to class happy and I came back happy). Why, I don't know, although I suspect it has something to do with 1) my hair which is getting too long 2) the weather which is really humid and hot 3) the ugly-looking Salmon fishhead which would not have been had my mum let me take over the cooking (and 4) the fact that she cooked my lunch so late and I was so hungry already).

Anyway, never mind. Hopefully I will feel better after my nap later.

...

I met up with some of my University friends last Sat. I met them after work.

It was good to see everyone again. F is in NParks. D is in AVA. H has joined the teaching force as well. T is still trying to finish his thesis. X is looking at getting married next year. G has one more year to go.

I told them I am working in ...

We talked about many things, and I thought it was funny that only now can I participate fully in a conversation about 'what is the difference between a moss and a fern?"

Life is funny, isn't it?

I did Biology in University, but after four years, I can't answer that question, not until now, after I have started work at this place when I have to go back to the very beginning of my first year of Science lesson...(and yes, I do literally mean my first year of Science lesson.)

What is the difference between a frog and a toad?

Does a fish have ears?

...yes, please continue rolling your eyes. Come on, we are Biology majors. What else you expect us to talk about?

So maybe I was meant to be here after all.

Amidst all my reluctance and dissatisfaction, maybe I am really in the right place.

Somehow, I am reminded about the module I am doing right now. The teacher has a habit of doing recollection--as in, he will periodically get us to refer back to our original starting point and then reflect if the delivery rationale has been touched on.

And so I do the same.

The truth is, while it is a no-brainer kind of a task, I did learn new things.

I do better formatting now. I am more familiar with mathematical models for Primary School. If I ever want to teach private tuition again, I bet I can command more money!

Ha...

But really, is that what I am searching for?

Somehow I am lost once again.

When I have that meet-up with all my friends, I was striked by one thing: They all have something they are good at, and hence passionate about.

F likes plants. Give her any tree and she can tell you the scientific name. H hopes to do something related with the environment. G wants to know even more about ants. S and D just like Biology in general. X likes teaching.

G asked me if I will go back to research.

...I don't know. I like my brain experiments. But where can I continue doing it?

But more importantly, the bottomline question is, what do I like?

Why do I find that question so hard?

I like atypical things. Can that do?

I like uncommon fates. Unusual choices. Unique plights.

Will that do?

...

Y who has recently joined the company is going to leave for TSMI.

She has barely been with us for a month.

She told me this little secret yesterday after lunch by chance...and while I was surprised, I was quite expecting it.

Like I said, the job is a no-brainer.

No no, I don't mean it as an insult to my colleagues who have been there for a long time. I personally find it a no-brainer and I think Y does too. I think people who have done research will feel so.

How many questions can one clone? How many scenarios can one think of?

I don't know. I don't have an answer to that.

And I guess what is more important is, I don't want to think that I have an answer to that.

...

I have a written test for my dream job next Monday.

Frankly, how much of a dream it is, I can't really say. I can only say it is a dream because it is uncommon, it is atypical and it is unique.

It is the kind of a job that I would want.

(Please note, I didn't say "It is the job I will want")

Anyway, the whole 'test' will take me around 5 hours. Why, I don't know. I can tell you next week though.

But I guess I just meant to reiterate one thing that R brought up (that I have problems accepting):

If you get the job in the end, then maybe it means you are not destined to go to Japan.

If you don't get it, then maybe you have a chance to go to Japan.

If you don't get to go to Japan, then maybe you are destined to be a teacher.

It is a little hard to accept, but it is true.

And all I can do is just to let things be.

Maybe at the end of the route, I return to my starting point.

Is that a trip wasted?

....

There are no trips wasted.

There are only wasted opportunities.