Healing. Outpouring. Check: Normal.

The weekend has been quite amazing.

I went for LISS, in my mind procrastinating, not really keen. I was sick anyway—so that could be a convenient excuse had I chosen to use it.

But well, since I have already paid the money, I figured I should just go ahead.

Sometimes, things turn out quite different from the way we anticipate it.

…

My first session last Sat was a culture-shock.

That sums my sentiments holistically. I wasn’t the least comfortable in the room—people raising hands, muttering what seems to be gibberish, prayers being recited. Alamak, what is this?

But come the next week, as I made my way there alone (E was sick), I thought I should just proceed on with an open heart. After all, I have already paid the money!

So…I tried.

The truth is, I have heard quite a lot about healing and all, but I have never associated the two: That I will get to experience what I had heard where I was then.

…

L found out from me what I wanted to be healed from.

The pondering over wasn’t too difficult.

It has been very hard for me. I had felt the resentment in my heart.

So, it was very natural, and only natural, that I thought of that.

The healing-over left me sobbing.

But it also gave me a sense of lightness.

I remember thinking,"Weird".

…

The next day was the more intense day: the outpouring of the gifts.

As the speaker shared, I had to admit I identified with his sentiments: Give me everything but that.

Yes, I didn’t really want the gift of tongues.

Remember I mention the culture shock I had experienced when people start breaking up in the room speaking in what seemed to be gibberish. Amidst the darkness, it can be overwhelming.
Not to mention, what if I were the one speaking!

Plus, I had heard too often of people who pretended they could speak in tongues just so that they can show it off.

I didn’t need to show off anything. I didn’t want to be speaking gibberish. And so, I really don’t quite want it.

Although technically, I wasn’t in a position to choose what I would get…It is a gift. If you get it, you say thanks! If you don’t, then that is just not supposed to be yours.

Well…

I remember feeling totally surprised that the outpouring occurred so quickly.

One moment we were in a talk, the next moment it was the session.

Amidst feeling stunned, my palms remain outstretched, facing Heaven. Don’t ask me what I was doing—I guess I was just waiting for it to come down.

Yes, it can be very intimidating.

So imagine, I standing in the centre, surrounded by four people praying over me, hands outstretched towards me.

I started crying, unconsciously.

I started weeping…and sweating profusely…even though I was directly under the air-
conditioner vent.

I was just crying, unconsciously and can’t seem to stop.

And then I feel myself falling backwards. That moment, I caught myself.

That happened two more times. I feel myself being pushed back but I catch myself everytime.

All this time, somebody said in my ear to say words of praise. Something wanted to come out from my mouth—I couldn’t let myself articulate it. It didn’t sound comprehensible. I couldn’t make any sense of what I was going to utter.

I was quivering all this time as I fought over the instinct to speak.

Finally, someone walked over to me and told me to let go. And then someone else also reassured me that there would be someone to catch me should I fall.

And I just fell.

This, I think, is called being ‘slain’. What a word…

So I laid there, sobbing in total un-control.

I took a while to sit up and regain composure.

I realized, thankfully, I wasn’t the only one behaving that way.

It was also then I realized what I had heard was true. People just fall. Unaware. If they surrender.

Later on, my facilitator came over and asked me if she could pray with me. She said she had a strong prompting.

And the same thing happened. I sat there, sobbing, quivering, not wanting to muster what I couldn’t understand.

…

The gifts of the spirit. Outpoured to me free.

Such is the wonder of God.

Such is the power of God.

(Sorry if this entry is too ‘Christian’. I needed to blog it out!)

P/s: Praying in tongues is a way of communicating to God. When we run out of things to say, the Spirit takes over and helps us.

P/P/S: I checked with a more experienced friend and realized that whatever I was experiencing—my hairs standing, the quivering, the crying—was normal!