Within 30 seconds

It all happened, say within 30 seconds?

Father Chris said, “So, what is your name again?” (Evidently, there is no way he can remember the names of so many of us). And then as Holy water was poured over my forehead, he said, “SSS, I hereby baptise you in the Name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit”.

And I became a child of Christ—in 30 seconds.

Y asked me if there was any special feeling associated with that very rite of being baptised. “Did you feel different?” was her exact question. The truth is, there weren’t any *special* feeling per se. But I know I am a different person.

As I walked away from the baptism font, I just started crying—again. Because it was like finally, finally I was baptised.

I had waited a long, long time--or so it had seemed to me. One year ago, I had flown back from USA back home from another journey. Then, I was just a month away from baptism.

And it wasn’t like I wasn’t ready. I was ready. I knew I was. I just figured that going through a journey back home was probably more comforting than having to clean bathrooms and chase kids and function as an ad-hoc maid in a foreign land with abhoring people in the same household.

To be honest, I didn’t know how I could have not gone through it again. I didn’t know I could have been exempted had I asked Deacon Joe to write a note to Holy Family to testify to my preparation for baptism.

Whatever it was, it was relief, gladness, mirth…all welled up as I walked away.

…

I have been fortunate to have the support of many people. F, who got baptised the year before last, often recounts to me her experience. Specifically, the one that left me a lasting impression was the ‘swallowing’ the Holy Spirit when she went to the Life in the Spirit seminar. I remember her exact words “[The Holy Spirit] fills you up”.

Yes. That image is difficult to comprehend.

Even on the day of baptism, she had messaged: “May you receive the Lord’s presence…” and I was like…??? How? How do I receive His presence?

Perhaps, I had thought too hard and too much about the Holy Spirit. I had imagined that It will fill me up (like she said) and make me whole. And perhaps, it was that preoccupation with 'filling up' that had taken away the magic of the evening.

Because in the end, I didn’t feel any magical ‘filling up’.

Instead, I felt many other mortal moments.

I remember being touched when I was in the RCIA room as I reflect on the journey and how this would be a night that I will remember.

I remember being moved as everyone stood with their candles, I looking up at the upper pews and seeing the church lit up with beautiful individual candles.

It must have been one the most beautiful things I will ever see in my lifetime.

I remember being very emotional when I pondered about the body-and-blood sacrifice that I had undeservedly earned through the death of the Most Holy One.

And as I see it,

if I am now truly a child in Christ, then it is truly, no longer I who live…and …
those tears must be a manifestation of the Christ who now lives in me.

Yes, all that, after just 30 seconds.