For better people. For a happier me.

I don't think I would have ever imagined myself to be so fortright with S.

Or anyone else.

I would prefer to keep things to myself. Because there is no need to tell anyone.

...

I took very long to decide to let go.

The fact is, I would really love to belong.

But I don't.

I don't laugh at the same jokes. We don't share the same frequency!

But I really wanted to belong.

And so I forced myself into the skin. And I can't fit!

And the harder I try, the sadder I get.

Because I just cannot fit in.

...

There are many nuances of feelings that I had felt.

Like I told S, maybe they are not shallow at all. Maybe they are all lovely, wacky and funny. Maybe. I just didn't get to see it.

It is just that, given the time we had spent together, all I ever saw was their shallow side. So all I can say are the negative feelings generated.

I told S that I felt it was unfair that she always say I am negative in my emotions towards them. The fact is, the many gatherings sent across an implicit message: Unless you are fantastic in the art, else, we don't want to learn about you.

We don't care if you are funny. We don't care if you have talent. We don't care if you speak five different languages or have a cute dog. We are not interested in you.

Oh well...

Maybe, maybe I am wrong.

Maybe, maybe I am biased.

Maybe, it is time that has hampered mutual understanding!

But whatever it is, I have decided to let it go.

I have decided not to try so hard.

I have decided that I will spend my time on better people. Who bother at least to know the Me inside.