Chinese New Year for the Chinese

It is Friday.

So yes, as you can see, I am trying to keep my promise of blogging on Fridays.

I don't blog as much now. I hope that doesn't imply that my life is not as exciting as before.

Wait. But I don't blog about exciting things, huh.

Ha.

I guess that implies that I am not as frustrated as before.

...

I do like my job so far.

Apart for having to wake up in the early morning, everything else is really quite good.

I don't have issues with developing lesson plans for teachers. In fact, I kind of like it. To a certain extent.

It is funny--I used to really want to teach teachers. Now, I don't really have that much of a fetish for teaching, although I think I can do it if I have to.

So as of now, I have developed two modules for Primary School teachers.

Yeah, that is it.

But I have time off every now and then (like now) and I surf the net.

As of now, I am contemplating a Ph.D. I don't know if I should do it though. And I don't know which disciplines to do it.

Yes, it is the same dilemma as last week and the week before last week.

As in the beginning of the year.

Just on Chinese New Year, one relative had commented that I was an 'ah-lian'. Simply because 1) I have a tattoo (which is at least 3 years old) and 2) my hair is highlighted yellow.

And I argued back that I ain't one. For the simple logic: Ah-lians can't study. And I can.

...

Chinese New Year reminded me of the many unpleasant incidents that happened when I was little.

I don't know if I have ever told you, but I had two humbling incidents when I was young.

Three actually, but two were moer heart-breaking because they involved my relatives.

When I was around 5, my uncle ranted at me straight in the face that I was stupid and meant to achieve nothing.

I don't know if you can imagine the scene. A man ranting at a kid. Five-year old kid.

I remember being very hurt and running to weep in the room.

I cried very very hard. I was very very hurt.

It left a scar there.

And when I was around 8, another uncle chided me (I think I shared this before).

That I would be merely his daughter's assistant as his daughter became some lawyer.

I was eight.

And that scarred me too.

His daughter really became a lawyer. I guess I am just glad I am not her assistant.

But yes...such hurtful remarks go a long way.

Especially when the kid is just building up her world, and family is supposed to be a unit to rely on.

...

If all I do best is studying, then why shouldn't I continue?

I can't be like G, who is working for a petrolchemical company and has the luxury of finance and time to play golf.

My mum thinks I am such a waste.

I can't be like L, who has been an accountant for twenty over years, draws a fantastically fat salary and is considering retirement at 46.

My mum thinks I am just not working hard enough.

I can't be like K, who is working in Malaysia and is hitting the 10K mark.

My mum thinks I am just being willful.

So if I am not all that, then why don't I be what I am?

...

I don't really like the Lunar New Year, to be honest. But I will celebrate it anyway because I am proud to be Chinese.

Yes, just that.