Better everyday

It is just a few more days to Chinese New Year and I haven't really packed my stuff yet.

I don't quite understand myself, to be frank.

When I was in the US, I didn't have problems keeping tidy. My room was always in perfect order. Now...it is quite the opposite.

I wonder why.

Maybe I just don't see the need to be so vigilant and tidy up all the time.

There are no good examples to set. I just want to be carefree about it.

...

I am wondering if I really want to continue studying.

You see. I don't quite like my field.

Yes, I know. I never like what I do. Never.

I always think greener pastures are where I am not.

Yes, I know.

But there really are things that excite me. There really are things that can make my eyes sparkle.

Although being more aware of my escapist inclinations now, I want to make sure I am not just being hopeful about my have-nots.

...

N contemplated sharing her religion with me.

Her mum has always been sharing, and she keeps telling me what a big loss it is that I haven't gained enlightenment yet.

To be frank, that is a little unsettling.

It is getting quite uncomfortable. But I can bear with it still, I think.

It is just that I don't quite know how to decline without being rude.

...

People will tell me many things about my faith.

But...So what if believing in God doesn't bring me riches and wealth? Or a high-paying job?

That wasn't what brought me to God in the first place.

I don't think a religion is only about making big money and fulfilling great ambitions.

Or getting things your way all the time.

A religion is about making you a better person.

And really, I think I am getting better. Or so I decreed to live.

Everyday.