I went to see a doctor this morning. On my way there, I contemplated blogging many things. But I was hesitant, because I didn't want you to get the wrong idea.
Sometimes, things can go the wrong way. The wrong message can be intended.
...
I have got chest pains for many days now. It started...from Monday, perhaps? Or maybe earlier, I don't know.
And while I would like to shrug it off as 'nothing', I have to admit I have been going to bed with the fear I may not wake up to see the next day.
Yes, really.
Every night, I seem to feel that my heart is having an arhythmnic beat. I seem to feel 'an impending doom', as the doctor put it.
So yes, I am glad to wake up every morning to realize I hadn't died in my sleep.
....
Once again, the latency period is getting longer and longer. I know.
It is not that I don't want to blog; the many deadlines competing for attention makes it almost impossible.
And I was asked by B: Why do you like to try many things? (Or did he say everything? I can't remember)
But I am bored. Easily. That is why I like to try everything.
I am bored with living in Singapore. That is why I went for the APIA programme. That is why I would want to work overseas.
I am bored with my work. That is why I want to change my job (and by the way, I am changing my job come 2nd Jan).
But I am adventurous (or so I would like to consider myself). That is why I like to try everything.
That is why I dared myself to go for the Dance Scholarship Auditions. When I obviously have one and a half left feet.
That is why I can attend language classes on my own. When my brain capability is obviously not huge.
....
I don't know what impression you gather from this entry.
No, I hope you didn't think I am writing it as a death-note sort of.
But seriously, I do wonder...why is death so scary?
I find it scary. I do.
But why is it scary?
That, I don't know, although I would associate it with the fact that being the ending of your many encounters on Earth, it is bound to evoke some nostalgia.
...But if you had been seriously living your life, would you still be scared?
Well, I am absolutely cluesless about that.
Anyway, the doctor said I shouldn't have a heart attack.
So then, it should get better.
=)
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1 comment:
I guess every now and then, we get a sense of our mortality and wonder whether we're going to die. I remembered when I suddenly had a little hard lump right above my left nipple and I was damn fixated on the fact that I was going to die of breast cancer. Then I found out it was a benign cyst that comes and goes. No worries.
Keep writing.
Rejected Poet (remember me?)
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