Not immortal

The last time I have to wake up so early was probably when I had to leave for Boston from New York.

Or was it earlier? I can't remember.

Whatever it is, leaving the house when the sky is still dark and then moving around under a dark sky does feel kind of sad.

Somehow. I don't know why.

...

I was at the airport at 4am this morning.

Yes, this morning. Today. Just now.

But of course, I wasn't the one leaving for anywhere, although I would have gladly wished for so.

I went to see N off. She left for the USA this morning.

She is one of my very good friends, and of course, being the very sentimental person I am, I shed some tears.

Sorry, I couldn't help it.

You see, she is one of those people I would turn to when I run into problems. She is one of my advisors.

And so yes, I am very emotionally attached to her.

We meet up to go for coffee occasionally. We try to go dancing when there is a crowd.

So that's one less of the Lindy gang. *sighs*

...

When I think about N's work stint, I start to think about many other things.

Is life really about things happening because you want it to happen or is it because it is planned as such: that you will want it to happen, and it does?

Well, I guess I will never find out.

Going overseas to work is one of the many things that N and I had wanted to do. Now she has done it, so where am I?

As I left the airport with R this morning, I asked him this question, "Will it ever happen?"

You see, I can't see any more open doors. The doors which I have tried knocking, never responded.

Why, I don't know, maybe because I don't have the key.

Or maybe because I am not qualified to enter those doors.

Or maybe it is just a matter of waiting.

Although the situation may then very well become: you saw another door opening and you enter it. Just as you were entering it, the door which you have always been waiting for suddenly hinges a bit...

...

Yes, I am thinking a bit more this morning.

It has been a month since I last wrote, so maybe all the thoughts are pushing for revelation on stage.

...

When you think about it seriously, you will realize that life is truly not immortal.

So maybe it is time for me to start to live with that frame of mind:

That I am not immortal.