A compilation of random thoughts

It is finally coming to the end of the month again.

Yes, I am sure you are as happy as I am if the last day of the month is your scheduled payday. Though yes, it is quite sad, isn't it, for one to hang on for a whole month just for that one day.

Well, life is like that.

I am not in too good a mood now (I didn't use today because I woke up happy and I went to class happy and I came back happy). Why, I don't know, although I suspect it has something to do with 1) my hair which is getting too long 2) the weather which is really humid and hot 3) the ugly-looking Salmon fishhead which would not have been had my mum let me take over the cooking (and 4) the fact that she cooked my lunch so late and I was so hungry already).

Anyway, never mind. Hopefully I will feel better after my nap later.

...

I met up with some of my University friends last Sat. I met them after work.

It was good to see everyone again. F is in NParks. D is in AVA. H has joined the teaching force as well. T is still trying to finish his thesis. X is looking at getting married next year. G has one more year to go.

I told them I am working in ...

We talked about many things, and I thought it was funny that only now can I participate fully in a conversation about 'what is the difference between a moss and a fern?"

Life is funny, isn't it?

I did Biology in University, but after four years, I can't answer that question, not until now, after I have started work at this place when I have to go back to the very beginning of my first year of Science lesson...(and yes, I do literally mean my first year of Science lesson.)

What is the difference between a frog and a toad?

Does a fish have ears?

...yes, please continue rolling your eyes. Come on, we are Biology majors. What else you expect us to talk about?

So maybe I was meant to be here after all.

Amidst all my reluctance and dissatisfaction, maybe I am really in the right place.

Somehow, I am reminded about the module I am doing right now. The teacher has a habit of doing recollection--as in, he will periodically get us to refer back to our original starting point and then reflect if the delivery rationale has been touched on.

And so I do the same.

The truth is, while it is a no-brainer kind of a task, I did learn new things.

I do better formatting now. I am more familiar with mathematical models for Primary School. If I ever want to teach private tuition again, I bet I can command more money!

Ha...

But really, is that what I am searching for?

Somehow I am lost once again.

When I have that meet-up with all my friends, I was striked by one thing: They all have something they are good at, and hence passionate about.

F likes plants. Give her any tree and she can tell you the scientific name. H hopes to do something related with the environment. G wants to know even more about ants. S and D just like Biology in general. X likes teaching.

G asked me if I will go back to research.

...I don't know. I like my brain experiments. But where can I continue doing it?

But more importantly, the bottomline question is, what do I like?

Why do I find that question so hard?

I like atypical things. Can that do?

I like uncommon fates. Unusual choices. Unique plights.

Will that do?

...

Y who has recently joined the company is going to leave for TSMI.

She has barely been with us for a month.

She told me this little secret yesterday after lunch by chance...and while I was surprised, I was quite expecting it.

Like I said, the job is a no-brainer.

No no, I don't mean it as an insult to my colleagues who have been there for a long time. I personally find it a no-brainer and I think Y does too. I think people who have done research will feel so.

How many questions can one clone? How many scenarios can one think of?

I don't know. I don't have an answer to that.

And I guess what is more important is, I don't want to think that I have an answer to that.

...

I have a written test for my dream job next Monday.

Frankly, how much of a dream it is, I can't really say. I can only say it is a dream because it is uncommon, it is atypical and it is unique.

It is the kind of a job that I would want.

(Please note, I didn't say "It is the job I will want")

Anyway, the whole 'test' will take me around 5 hours. Why, I don't know. I can tell you next week though.

But I guess I just meant to reiterate one thing that R brought up (that I have problems accepting):

If you get the job in the end, then maybe it means you are not destined to go to Japan.

If you don't get it, then maybe you have a chance to go to Japan.

If you don't get to go to Japan, then maybe you are destined to be a teacher.

It is a little hard to accept, but it is true.

And all I can do is just to let things be.

Maybe at the end of the route, I return to my starting point.

Is that a trip wasted?

....

There are no trips wasted.

There are only wasted opportunities.

A fast chicken or a slow eagle

I just came back from the doctor's.

Yes, how pathetic is that--to have time to blog only because one is sick.

Ha...

But no, I am not saying that because I feel sorry for myself, or what so ever.

I am glad I have the time (and clearness of mind, if there is such a phrase) to blog. As a matter of fact, I am really feeling quite drowsy. After this, which hopefully will not take me too long, I shall head for bed.

...

I hate Fridays. I really do.

I have two rascal classes. But well, maybe they are rascal because I am not that good a teacher.

I don't think I have had the opportunity to tell you about what has happened:

I have been assigned two P3 classes, which are well, like I said, rascals.

Yes, they are cute--as all P3s are. But they are really naughty.

And that drives me crazy.

Now, because a fellow teacher is going on maternity leave UNEXPECTEDLY, I have been given another class.

No, I don't like gifts in particularm especially not classes.

But I don't have a choice. So really, that only makes me more afraid of Fridays...

MAYBE that is why I fell sick today! My mind is too worried!!! (Yes, the new scehdule starts today.)

I am frankly quite pissed that I have to cover for her for two months.

No, I am not pissed that I have to cover her. I am pissed that I have to cover that timing, which leads to me having no dinner. That *shakes my head* is really very bad.

...

I got my HSK exam results today.

What can I say except I am disappointed?

I got the minimum marks but I didn't satisfy the 3 out of 4 criteria to get A.

So sad, ah...

So the next question is, do I want to retake it?

Do I want to put in the effort to try for an A again???

I don't know...

...

So what am I doing right now?

It is still the same kind of lifestyle.

I attend morning class on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. I work on Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday.

And yes, I am looking at other jobs, although frankly, I really don't know what I can do.

I mean, I sometimes really just feel--is there anything I can do?

Sometimes I feel that I am really skill-less so all I can do, is what I have been doing.

That makes me sad, yes, but is that not reality?

I don't know.

I know this entry is a little unlike my style...please forgive me; I am really drowsy.

Maybe if I feel better in the evening, I will write about my thoughts....but before I pen off, I have this question:

Would you be a chicken that runs the fastest, or an eagle that flies the slowest?

Think about it.

Really, give it some serious thought.

it's been a while

I haven't been blogging for a long time. I think it has been about a month.

Sorry if you have been wondering what has happened to me--if I had left the country and the such, or did I get married and am hibernating to have kids?--I am fine, and I am doing ok.

I have just been busy. Really busy.

But I have more or less settled into the pace. An exam is due in two weeks' time. That is my Chinese Grammar exam. I had just taken a test for my Jap Ele 1. I passed and my next course is due to start in a month's time.

I have gotten back one of my exam results (the one I did before work started). I did quite well...maintained my standard.

Right now, I am just waiting for my HSK exam results before I execute my next move.

Yes, I am not leaving the company as yet.

There are many reasons for this and one prevailing one is because, I am teaching P6 kids and I do not wish my departure to disturb them in any way.

And I was reasoning it out to myself: This job does give me flexibility of time in terms of completing my Diploma. For that, there is reason to stay on.

That is enough justification, is it not?

...

My life has been pretty monotonous.

It is the same schedule week in week out. I am thankful about the regularity.

And when I am at work, I just try to do my work. I am fine with my colleagues but I still find it difficult to penetrate the cliche.

But it doesn't really bother me anymore. Maybe because I know I am going to be there only for a short time.

Time can really do many things. =)

And yes, while I still feel I am not fulfilling my life's value by being here, I console myself with the uplifting side of this job.

So yes, life is great!