Better things to do..

For a long time, I hadn't attended dance class. And when I finally did--after immense encouragement from my friends and colleagues--I strained my foot.

Rather, more accurately, I sprained my arch.

It is weird that I can sprain my arch just like that. Just after one class. I think it was because the teacher didn't make us wear shoes.

Oh well. Too bad. Too late.

So I had to contend with limping home. It was a good thing R happened to pick me up from class yesterday. Else...alamak.

...

The dance class was surprisingly fun.

It felt different. Maybe because I don't feel so inhibited. Or maybe because I don't even care anymore.

I was talking with my colleague (my favourite colleague: Let's call her P) and she told me I should care less about perfection.

Like that time I played the violin for the archbishop, I should look at all these as a gift, and not as a venue for perfection.

I think she is right. These are all gifts that I should be thankful for. The gift of curiosity. The gift of enthusiasm.

...

My mum has not been talking to me for three days. I think it is three days; I don't know.

It started off from Sat, when she asked me to buy some vegetables and I had returned with something she wasn't quite expecting.

She had scolded me stupid, idiotic, moronic...well, the usual.

I had ignored her--I really cannot be bothered with her nonsense.

As much as she thinks I am stupid, I think she is just plain plain lazy.

Lazy and moronic.

So whatever she calls me, I just bat my eyelids and move on.

That night, interestingly, R asked me if my mum had changed.

How would she change???? I don't know.

She still always like to label people as selfish...when actually she is the one all of us have to give in too, for whatever we do...just to accomodate her.

She still thinks of others as being extremely inconsiderate, when she is the one that switches on the light and radio when people are still asleep.

She labels others as stupid...when she is obviously lazy.

She hadn't changed one bit, and I think it doesn't matter, because I know my ways of 'dealing' with her has changed at least.

R asked if I still wanted to live alone.

I said of course!!!

But it is because I can rationalize things out now that I don't feel so trapped and hence frustrated.

I think of it as...in exchange for all this humiliation and vengeful exchanges, I get a meal.

If I had stayed alone, I would probably be eating at 8pm.

So yeah, fair deal.

And since I am staying here still, I can be the cleaner of the house.

Saves me a sum of money when I get them a maid instead.

So yeah, fair deal.

...

So well, she can go on giving me the cold shoulder. I hadn't done anything wrong. She was the lazy one.

And if she wants to insist I am stupid and whatever and whatever, be my guest.

I have better things to do.