If I should be duh now

I thought the worst was over.

Well. I guess, it didn't quite turn out the way I thought.

But I was still glad.

I am slowly learning how to look at things from a different dimension. And I am glad about that.

...

They called and asked me to cover one teacher's class.

Exactly why I don't know. All I know is that the teacher took urgent leave once again.

I was already covering a class at 1145am. And they wanted me to do one at 2pm.

My own class was supposed to be 315pm, which means yes, I would be late, but it would be ok.

Diao.

And I wouldn't have minded it one bit had I prepared for class already, but the truth is, I hadn't.

I think most people couldn't understand that. Even my own colleagues were baffled.

Well, I didn't explain. I don't think I need to.

If you think I am inefficient (and you can go tell the boss for all I care), and I have done my best, then the implication is pretty clear right?

I was on MC on Mon. I was preparing for the Thursday's class on Tue. I was off on Wed. I was preparing for Fri's class on Thursday. And I was preparing for Sat's class on Fri.

Day in day out, I have been doing so much Math until I am sick of it.

Really.

I was also asked on Tue to take over some classes on Fri. '3 days notice, ok lah...?'

Yes, ok la if I sit around all day.

Please lo.

...

So I also don't know why I just cry.

I cried very hard in the toilet until the auntie asked me if I wanted to talk.

And I told her how I felt.

I don't mind being a trainee, but please make it fair.

And really, the more I think about it, the angrier I am.

In fact, I was crying more of anger (win already, I really cry because of everything right) and injustice.

I told the HR afterwards that I don't really care a d*** about this job.

Please lo. Training--where is it?

Please lo. Trainee, without training--till when?

Please lo. You are trying your best--can you at least show some transparency?

...

So what is the verdict now?

I am searching. But I will be here till I find something.

The rule here is, a two-month notice is necessary after confirmation.

Well, ok.

Technically, I am not betting on anything. I am just telling myself,

God-willing, His Grace will descend upon this situation and offer me an alternative.

Else, by His Grace, I will stay here till the end of the year (actually, after I finish my last paper, which is in Oct), I think I will be ready to go.

...

I had a talk with Y.

And really, think about it.

This is a secure place, yes. But this is a place with limitations.

You really must be contented with what you have already to want to stay here all your life.

Am I not contented?

Maybe.

One thing I am sure, it is a place for me to kill time as I am finishing up my Diploma.

But it is not a place to soar.

And no, I am not saying that I am an eagle. For all you know, I may just be a little chick incapable to fly.

But at least, I know even a little chick I may be, I seek to see the skies and be around where eagles fly.

...

For all who are wondering if I am in a better mood...I think yes.

I am slowly seeing my direction. Like I said, I stay here to kill my time.

Yes, there may be better ways to kill time. More productive ways too.

But till that option opens up -- I am knocking already; but not all doors are opening -- I am glad with the current duh way of life.

We all need to be duh once in a while.

So let that be now.