Thursday was Thanksgiving.
Well, it is an American Holiday with its history traced back to its founding time. I only know it has something to do with tha pilgrims. Well...I thought it was a little weird to be holding hands with the family and saying thanks for my family.
That was the perfect answer. At least, that was the impression I got.
Everyone said thanks for their family. But I cannot understand why their actions do not recoincide with their thoughts.
As for me, I said thanks for my life, for the opportunity to be there right then and the wonderful company I was in.
I thank God for my family too, but I think I would prefer to show that with my actions rather than just paying lip-service.
Anyhow, the day after Thanksgiving is what is commonly known as Black Friday.
Nope, it is not friday the 13th. It is the 23rd.
It is called black friday because it is the day after thanksgiving when people charge to the stalls and grab Christmas Presents.
Why do they do that? I don't know. It is not like they get money or what.
Anyhow, stalls open at 4am.
Yes, I can't believe it. But that was really what I saw as I walked to the train station on Friday.
I left for Philadelphia at 415am. I woke up--no, I should say, I was supposed to wake up--at 3am to get ready but I ended up not being able to sleep.
I think it was probably due to the Dunkin Donut coffee which I had for dessert, which was wha...powerful.
That aside, Thanksgiving itself was an eye-opener.
In terms of behavioral response exhibited by people.
Like...guests who are obviously ill-mannered and there purely for the sake of eating.
Very sad. Very very sad.
I am a helper in the house. I am supposed to be taking care of the kids.
But I willingly help out with the housework because the chores are just enormous. I see my host struggling with the turkey. I just couldn't stand there and do nothing! My conscience was crying!!! And so, I was there practically drying dishes for the whole night!
That really didn't matter, if I hadn't seen people of the family who really should be helping up strolling around and trying to mommy some kid who is obviously being taken care of already.
I used to have such a good impression. It was just shattered after that night.
She is really the exact depiction of what others have said. She just walks in late for the party, eats, and leaves.
She is always saying things about how busy she is and how much work she has to do.
And I guess the most irking part is, she always appears the day after the house is cleaned and walks around the house with her boots.
The house is cleaned once a week. The whole house is airconditioned. The whole of the second storey is carpeted. I hope that is enough reason for me to be irked out.
...
Whatever it is, I was toying with the thought of not being around with the family during Thanksgiving next year should I stay.
And before you punch me in the mouth on this decision, maybe you should give me the opportunity to explain in my later posts.
For now, I shall just say that I am keen on the idea of traveling over the holiday.
We shall see...
Sunday, November 25, 2007
Monday, November 19, 2007
Progress report
Tomorrow marks my third month here. As you can see, I am trying to recollect my thoughts after every passing month. I think it helps to orient myself a little bit better.
To be honest, I have had many thoughts for the past week. I guess they weren't here simply because the rate of change of my thoughts was much faster than what my ten fingers can manage. Or maybe it was my schedule that didn't permit me enough time to blog. Oh well, it doesn't matter. I am here finally and that is what matters, right?
...
The older kid is at home today. She did not go to school because she is feeling sick.
As a matter of fact, this is the season. Of illnesses.
As the weather turns colder with the progress of fall into winter, people are just falling sick. Everywhere.
Three members of the RCIA team have been sick for a while.
Occassionally, I would wake up with a stuffed nose or a runny nose.
Now, this kid (who is supposedly quite strong) is sick. I just hope I will not succumb!
Anyhow, I bet you are eager to know how 'we' are getting along.
The truth is, I still don't love her and I don't think I will ever want to.
She is sloppy. She doesn't flush the toilet after big business. She leaves her clothes lying all over the house. The soap is intentionally spilled all over the place.
She is rude. She screams at her parents. She ignores me when I talk to her.
She is a tyrant. She bosses her sister around and punches her (she does, and I have no idea how to stop that) when she doesn't get her way.
She doesn't like to shower or brushes her teeth. And yes, she stinks.
And I know she is a kid.
People tell me to take it easy. "Come on! I am sure you were like that when you were a kid" is what they always say.
Well, too bad. I wasn't like that at all. You can verify with my parents.
But I guess that aside, the question at the back of my head is, why is the sister doing a much better job?
I am not sure if I told you before, the previous au pair had a pact with the older kid, that she will train the young one up into someone more commending and loveable.
Of course, the au pair won the bet.
I am not interested in betting with her. In contrast, I am not even the least interested in changing her.
You see, I have come to many realizations.
If I can't fight it, then go with it.
If I can't change it, then live with it.
Why should her discipline problems be my problem? Why should I bother?
Who am I to bother?
When I first came, I was full of enthusiasm to change the world. And so I gave in what I could.
Then I realized, I am not super(wo)man. So why bother?
...
The trip to Washington DC really did change my perspective a lot.
We have the same benefits. Weekends are off. We can bring our friends over. The pantry is filled with food. I would say that almost everything is the same.
Well, our hosts are a whole lot different though. The parents understand how to personally put their plates away. The kids do not shout at the parents. N doesn't need to fight with the children over the use of the bathroom.
And I do realize I shouldn't be making comparisons.
So instead, I have decided to adjust my expectations and accept the fact that I am here, really, as a part-time maid.
I clean the stove. And the table.
I feed the cat.
I clean up their vomit.
I take in the mail.
Sometimes, I clear the garbage.
In addition to my usual stipulated chores.
There is no use fussing over it. It doesn't make me any happier or contented. In contrast, I feel all the more frustrated.
...
And there is something I have learnt and really am starting to appreciate:
When the older kid gives me the hell of a time, ignore.
Switch off entirely and don't care at all.
She can scream and shout. She can wrestle and curse. Whatever she wants. Whatever she deems fit.
I don't care...
I am just here for a year, or maybe an additional half a year (hehs, I realize that if I can switch off, I can just stay here a while longer because I still have my unaccomplished agenda!) so why make life difficult for myself?
...
By the way, I will be taking classes during the Spring Semester next year.
It is just one class but the idea of going to school is really kind of freaking me out.
I will be taking Elementary Spanish II. Yeah, in spite of the fact that I have done Spanish for nearly two years!
I will still need to take one more class and I should be doing it during the Summer term.
Last but not least, I am going on a short trip again during the Thanksgiving weekend.
Short trip = two days. Friday and Saturday. I will be back Saturday night just so I can attend mass on Sunday morning.
Philadelphia is my destination this time. And I will be alone.
If I don't blog before that, see you next week! =)
To be honest, I have had many thoughts for the past week. I guess they weren't here simply because the rate of change of my thoughts was much faster than what my ten fingers can manage. Or maybe it was my schedule that didn't permit me enough time to blog. Oh well, it doesn't matter. I am here finally and that is what matters, right?
...
The older kid is at home today. She did not go to school because she is feeling sick.
As a matter of fact, this is the season. Of illnesses.
As the weather turns colder with the progress of fall into winter, people are just falling sick. Everywhere.
Three members of the RCIA team have been sick for a while.
Occassionally, I would wake up with a stuffed nose or a runny nose.
Now, this kid (who is supposedly quite strong) is sick. I just hope I will not succumb!
Anyhow, I bet you are eager to know how 'we' are getting along.
The truth is, I still don't love her and I don't think I will ever want to.
She is sloppy. She doesn't flush the toilet after big business. She leaves her clothes lying all over the house. The soap is intentionally spilled all over the place.
She is rude. She screams at her parents. She ignores me when I talk to her.
She is a tyrant. She bosses her sister around and punches her (she does, and I have no idea how to stop that) when she doesn't get her way.
She doesn't like to shower or brushes her teeth. And yes, she stinks.
And I know she is a kid.
People tell me to take it easy. "Come on! I am sure you were like that when you were a kid" is what they always say.
Well, too bad. I wasn't like that at all. You can verify with my parents.
But I guess that aside, the question at the back of my head is, why is the sister doing a much better job?
I am not sure if I told you before, the previous au pair had a pact with the older kid, that she will train the young one up into someone more commending and loveable.
Of course, the au pair won the bet.
I am not interested in betting with her. In contrast, I am not even the least interested in changing her.
You see, I have come to many realizations.
If I can't fight it, then go with it.
If I can't change it, then live with it.
Why should her discipline problems be my problem? Why should I bother?
Who am I to bother?
When I first came, I was full of enthusiasm to change the world. And so I gave in what I could.
Then I realized, I am not super(wo)man. So why bother?
...
The trip to Washington DC really did change my perspective a lot.
We have the same benefits. Weekends are off. We can bring our friends over. The pantry is filled with food. I would say that almost everything is the same.
Well, our hosts are a whole lot different though. The parents understand how to personally put their plates away. The kids do not shout at the parents. N doesn't need to fight with the children over the use of the bathroom.
And I do realize I shouldn't be making comparisons.
So instead, I have decided to adjust my expectations and accept the fact that I am here, really, as a part-time maid.
I clean the stove. And the table.
I feed the cat.
I clean up their vomit.
I take in the mail.
Sometimes, I clear the garbage.
In addition to my usual stipulated chores.
There is no use fussing over it. It doesn't make me any happier or contented. In contrast, I feel all the more frustrated.
...
And there is something I have learnt and really am starting to appreciate:
When the older kid gives me the hell of a time, ignore.
Switch off entirely and don't care at all.
She can scream and shout. She can wrestle and curse. Whatever she wants. Whatever she deems fit.
I don't care...
I am just here for a year, or maybe an additional half a year (hehs, I realize that if I can switch off, I can just stay here a while longer because I still have my unaccomplished agenda!) so why make life difficult for myself?
...
By the way, I will be taking classes during the Spring Semester next year.
It is just one class but the idea of going to school is really kind of freaking me out.
I will be taking Elementary Spanish II. Yeah, in spite of the fact that I have done Spanish for nearly two years!
I will still need to take one more class and I should be doing it during the Summer term.
Last but not least, I am going on a short trip again during the Thanksgiving weekend.
Short trip = two days. Friday and Saturday. I will be back Saturday night just so I can attend mass on Sunday morning.
Philadelphia is my destination this time. And I will be alone.
If I don't blog before that, see you next week! =)
Thursday, November 15, 2007
Finally.
This morning, I was caught in a dilemma.
It was a call of integrity (maybe it may seem exaggerating to you to be using such a word) or convenience.
What would you have done?
...
She knew she needed to get on the school bus. She knows that.
Well, she was having difficulty waking up already. I bet she slept very late last night. Despite the fact that we had 'agreed' that the kids will turn in AT 10pm.
I slept at 1040pm and she was still up and jumping then. God knows what time she went to bed. And I don't care, really.
Anyway, she was still asleep by 840am. The bus comes at 905am by the way.
I woke her up and she said she was tired. Well, what can I do?
Then, she got dressed and we were all ready to set off.
850am.
This is the usual time we will set off to the bus stop. We would have ample time to get the trash out and stroll to the bus stop.
She chose to want to run upstairs and 'get some thing'.
And then she ran to the basement to get 'other stuff'.
855am.
She then spent the next few minutes stuffing her Pokemon folder and Pokemon cards into her little pink bag.
Her folder is massive and her bag is tiny.
I reminded her that the bus was coming and she ranted her usual "whatever!" (with a I-don't-care accent).
Ok lo.
Then I reminded her again that she needed to get her chores done before we set off.
I got another one of those looks.
903am.
I told her...'I am not going to nag anymore but I hope you remember that we are walking to school if you miss the bus.'
I got another one of those snouts and a look.
Whatever, I was thinking to myself.
905am.
She got her stuff together and decided she will go to the bus stop.
I was almost certain that she would miss the bus.
Sure thing, I wasn't surprised.
And I wasn't surprised when she asked me to take the car.
"Can we take the car?"
"Um, no" I answered, as a matter-of-factly.
I was hesitant, to be honest.
I wasn't sure if I really wanted her to be late but I was sure I wanted her to learn her lesson.
She knew she didn't have so much time to play with. She knew she needed to walk to school should she miss the bus. I wanted her to fully understand this lesson.
On the way there, we ran into her mother's cousin (Oh no!) and she offered us a ride.
I declined.
I told her, I am sorry but she needs to learn a lesson.
Deep down inside, it was another struggle. What if the mom finds out and interrogates me about it?
While she had shown her approval in our discussions, I think she isn't as keen as the dad is in terms of such a methodology.
I asked the kid if this affair should be just between us, or if I should tell the parents. She refused to answer me.
Hhmmm...
It was quite a walk and fortunately or unfortunately, she wasn't late.
When she finally realized her bag was not going to contain the cards, she told me to bring them home.
"No. You brought them here."
"And I changed my mind and said "You sure? You won't ever get to see them again."
So, she changed her mind too.
I found out that she was bringing the cards to school to trade with her friend.
...
The thing is, I knew one of these days, this was going to happen, since she loved delaying and procrastinating.
I just hadn't expected today to be THE day.
While I had posed a great inconvenience to myself as well, I am glad I stuck with my stand.
Let's just say that I hope she learns her lesson after today.
Although I realy wouldn't mind it if she doesn't.
It was a call of integrity (maybe it may seem exaggerating to you to be using such a word) or convenience.
What would you have done?
...
She knew she needed to get on the school bus. She knows that.
Well, she was having difficulty waking up already. I bet she slept very late last night. Despite the fact that we had 'agreed' that the kids will turn in AT 10pm.
I slept at 1040pm and she was still up and jumping then. God knows what time she went to bed. And I don't care, really.
Anyway, she was still asleep by 840am. The bus comes at 905am by the way.
I woke her up and she said she was tired. Well, what can I do?
Then, she got dressed and we were all ready to set off.
After throwing a tantrum at me --it happens all the time-- she looked almost ready. And I was glad.
This is the usual time we will set off to the bus stop. We would have ample time to get the trash out and stroll to the bus stop.
She chose to want to run upstairs and 'get some thing'.
And then she ran to the basement to get 'other stuff'.
855am.
She then spent the next few minutes stuffing her Pokemon folder and Pokemon cards into her little pink bag.
Her folder is massive and her bag is tiny.
I reminded her that the bus was coming and she ranted her usual "whatever!" (with a I-don't-care accent).
Ok lo.
Then I reminded her again that she needed to get her chores done before we set off.
I got another one of those looks.
903am.
I told her...'I am not going to nag anymore but I hope you remember that we are walking to school if you miss the bus.'
I got another one of those snouts and a look.
Whatever, I was thinking to myself.
905am.
She got her stuff together and decided she will go to the bus stop.
I was almost certain that she would miss the bus.
Sure thing, I wasn't surprised.
And I wasn't surprised when she asked me to take the car.
"Can we take the car?"
"Um, no" I answered, as a matter-of-factly.
I was hesitant, to be honest.
I wasn't sure if I really wanted her to be late but I was sure I wanted her to learn her lesson.
She knew she didn't have so much time to play with. She knew she needed to walk to school should she miss the bus. I wanted her to fully understand this lesson.
On the way there, we ran into her mother's cousin (Oh no!) and she offered us a ride.
I declined.
I told her, I am sorry but she needs to learn a lesson.
Deep down inside, it was another struggle. What if the mom finds out and interrogates me about it?
While she had shown her approval in our discussions, I think she isn't as keen as the dad is in terms of such a methodology.
I asked the kid if this affair should be just between us, or if I should tell the parents. She refused to answer me.
Hhmmm...
It was quite a walk and fortunately or unfortunately, she wasn't late.
When she finally realized her bag was not going to contain the cards, she told me to bring them home.
"No. You brought them here."
"And I changed my mind and said "You sure? You won't ever get to see them again."
So, she changed her mind too.
I found out that she was bringing the cards to school to trade with her friend.
...
The thing is, I knew one of these days, this was going to happen, since she loved delaying and procrastinating.
I just hadn't expected today to be THE day.
While I had posed a great inconvenience to myself as well, I am glad I stuck with my stand.
Let's just say that I hope she learns her lesson after today.
Although I realy wouldn't mind it if she doesn't.
Monday, November 12, 2007
The truth always hurt
When I was in DC, I received a call from PY.
She is my friend from orientation. She is from Shanghai.
She was quite homesick during orientation and she complained a lot, from the cold food to the weather to what-have-you.
But she was quite fond of me and we kind of hit it off.
She was supposed to be in Chicago and we talked on the phone a few times. It was the usual. She would complain about the problems she was facing and all. So most of the time, I just needed to be Aunt Agony.
Come to think of it, I think I really do a good job at being Aunt Agony. I like listening to people and I am very happy people trust me.
Anyway, the newest news was that she was now in Virginia (where I was when I received the call but of course, Virginia is very big) because she had been rematched.
What!? Re-matched?????????????????????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I didn't call her back immediately because I was really tired (I called her on my way back and we agreed that I will visit her next April--a long time, but well, something to look forward to).
I guess...really, the program has its hideous sides. Trust me.
N had gone through an unpleasant host family in Connecticut and that was why she decided to go on rematch. From her, I heard more scary stories. There is a host dad asking his au pair to have s...(fill in the blanks yourself; you are probably right); au pairs who don't get to use the car; au pairs made to work for 50 hours (by right, we are supposed to work for 44 hours only; I work only around 35 hours). The list goes on.
I was infuriated by what I heard and from what PY told me.
The kids couldn't be attached to her and the parents hence decided to have a rematch.
That I can understand.
What I cannot understand is the verbal humiliation she had to face from her community counselor "Please. Just get yourself a ticket back home to....!" and the fact that the host family had refused her lodging even for her last night.
And the worst thing is, along the rematch process, the counselor had deliberately withheld her information from interested prospective families.
What the....
Like what N said, we are here as cheap labour already and it is very saddening to know that people would do this to us.
(Fyi: a professional au pair can earn up to US $200 an hour. She usually doesn't stay in with the kids and the family.)
I mean while I blog about my emotions, I do know that I have one of the better families around.
(Although the way N described her family made me want to yield for more...I guess greed is part of human nature. We are constantly dissatisfied. I must curb that habit. I must... )
And then what PY said hit me hard...
"Don't expect too much from this program. I tell you, just get the best out of this one year and go home. The people here are bad."
I don't know if it is really that bad but like I said, beside PY, I know of other counselors who have manipulated the situation.
"Open your eyes! Come on! Don't expect them to side with you! You are here only for a year and the families are here for eternity! They are the customers! Why should they do anything for your benefit!?"
It is all very painful to know.
I never once expected this program to have such an ugly side. I guess I was wrong.
Although I would choose to believe that just like there are bad employers who abuse their maids, there are good kind-hearted souls who genuinely believe in the equality of mankind and the respect for all fellow human beings.
Having said that, let's just say that I now have fears of rematching.
Initially, I was thinking (as you can trace my entries) of switching to another family in my extension year.
After hearing these terrible stories and knowing how my counselor is like, I don't even dare to conceive the thought anymore.
I hate this feeling very much, because I hate to be the passenger. I always like to be the driver so that I can steer myself to new courses.
But really, I guess the question I have for myself now is,
Do what I want to pursue justify the very decision of staying behind?
Things are turning out better. I take the initiative to talk and play and all. I take the initiative to try to attract her attention.
The truth is, I work very hard. I do.
I work so hard I realize I have to bury my tears inside somehow.
And while we are slowly hitting it off, I don't know why I still don't believe that this is the perfect match.
To a certain extent, maybe I feel I am trying too hard. But, isn't that a part of life? A constant struggle as we continously challenge ourselves?
...
Consistently, I tell myself to stay engaged in the thought of living in the moment.
I tell myself to stop jumping into the future and deciding if I should stay or leave.
It is just hard. Hard.
And finally, I realize--after my visit to DC--why I didn't feel the match.
Because I am seeking for a God-centered family.
I was seeking for a family who goes to Mass every week. Who sits at the table and prays before meals. Who says thanks for their blessings in life. Whose life goes beyond the sleek upfront of a big and comfortable house.
And while this inner search has not been satisfied, all I can say is, I am happy with where I am right now.
Happy in terms of making the best and most out of it.
And all I can do is to have the faith to believe that whatever I have right now, is the best I can be.
Because life effectively evolves over little small minute steps.
Invisible to the naked eye.
Accesible only by faith.
And so with a quote from Weilu (many thanks, sis =D)
"God, if life is so many things that I am not, and never will be, give me the strength to be what I am."
- Gaby Brimmer, a disabled writer and activist with celebral palsy
She is my friend from orientation. She is from Shanghai.
She was quite homesick during orientation and she complained a lot, from the cold food to the weather to what-have-you.
But she was quite fond of me and we kind of hit it off.
She was supposed to be in Chicago and we talked on the phone a few times. It was the usual. She would complain about the problems she was facing and all. So most of the time, I just needed to be Aunt Agony.
Come to think of it, I think I really do a good job at being Aunt Agony. I like listening to people and I am very happy people trust me.
Anyway, the newest news was that she was now in Virginia (where I was when I received the call but of course, Virginia is very big) because she had been rematched.
What!? Re-matched?????????????????????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I didn't call her back immediately because I was really tired (I called her on my way back and we agreed that I will visit her next April--a long time, but well, something to look forward to).
I guess...really, the program has its hideous sides. Trust me.
N had gone through an unpleasant host family in Connecticut and that was why she decided to go on rematch. From her, I heard more scary stories. There is a host dad asking his au pair to have s...(fill in the blanks yourself; you are probably right); au pairs who don't get to use the car; au pairs made to work for 50 hours (by right, we are supposed to work for 44 hours only; I work only around 35 hours). The list goes on.
I was infuriated by what I heard and from what PY told me.
The kids couldn't be attached to her and the parents hence decided to have a rematch.
That I can understand.
What I cannot understand is the verbal humiliation she had to face from her community counselor "Please. Just get yourself a ticket back home to....!" and the fact that the host family had refused her lodging even for her last night.
And the worst thing is, along the rematch process, the counselor had deliberately withheld her information from interested prospective families.
What the....
Like what N said, we are here as cheap labour already and it is very saddening to know that people would do this to us.
(Fyi: a professional au pair can earn up to US $200 an hour. She usually doesn't stay in with the kids and the family.)
I mean while I blog about my emotions, I do know that I have one of the better families around.
(Although the way N described her family made me want to yield for more...I guess greed is part of human nature. We are constantly dissatisfied. I must curb that habit. I must... )
And then what PY said hit me hard...
"Don't expect too much from this program. I tell you, just get the best out of this one year and go home. The people here are bad."
I don't know if it is really that bad but like I said, beside PY, I know of other counselors who have manipulated the situation.
"Open your eyes! Come on! Don't expect them to side with you! You are here only for a year and the families are here for eternity! They are the customers! Why should they do anything for your benefit!?"
It is all very painful to know.
I never once expected this program to have such an ugly side. I guess I was wrong.
Although I would choose to believe that just like there are bad employers who abuse their maids, there are good kind-hearted souls who genuinely believe in the equality of mankind and the respect for all fellow human beings.
Having said that, let's just say that I now have fears of rematching.
Initially, I was thinking (as you can trace my entries) of switching to another family in my extension year.
After hearing these terrible stories and knowing how my counselor is like, I don't even dare to conceive the thought anymore.
I hate this feeling very much, because I hate to be the passenger. I always like to be the driver so that I can steer myself to new courses.
But really, I guess the question I have for myself now is,
Do what I want to pursue justify the very decision of staying behind?
Things are turning out better. I take the initiative to talk and play and all. I take the initiative to try to attract her attention.
The truth is, I work very hard. I do.
I work so hard I realize I have to bury my tears inside somehow.
And while we are slowly hitting it off, I don't know why I still don't believe that this is the perfect match.
To a certain extent, maybe I feel I am trying too hard. But, isn't that a part of life? A constant struggle as we continously challenge ourselves?
...
Consistently, I tell myself to stay engaged in the thought of living in the moment.
I tell myself to stop jumping into the future and deciding if I should stay or leave.
It is just hard. Hard.
And finally, I realize--after my visit to DC--why I didn't feel the match.
Because I am seeking for a God-centered family.
I was seeking for a family who goes to Mass every week. Who sits at the table and prays before meals. Who says thanks for their blessings in life. Whose life goes beyond the sleek upfront of a big and comfortable house.
And while this inner search has not been satisfied, all I can say is, I am happy with where I am right now.
Happy in terms of making the best and most out of it.
And all I can do is to have the faith to believe that whatever I have right now, is the best I can be.
Because life effectively evolves over little small minute steps.
Invisible to the naked eye.
Accesible only by faith.
And so with a quote from Weilu (many thanks, sis =D)
"God, if life is so many things that I am not, and never will be, give me the strength to be what I am."
- Gaby Brimmer, a disabled writer and activist with celebral palsy
The value of 12 hours
I just came back from a short trip to Washington DC.
It wasn't exactly smooth-sailing. Oh well, it started off quite terribly, in fact.
I was up at 4am and all excited to go, only to reach the train station at 430am to realize I had forgotten my train ticket.
Win already, you say?
And so, in my intention to turn home to pick it up so that I can still catch the 440am train, I had an accident.
Yes, an accident.
You didn't read it wrong. I didn't exaggerate.
I was doing a three-point turn and all I knew was, I had checked before I picked the gear into D mode.
The next moment, a car was in front of me and I had hit it.
I didn't take the licence number. I was stupid, I know.
I camt out of the car, all frantic and shaken. And the guy scolded the hell out of me.
The next thing he said, "I am rushing to work."
Huh?
You see. I have never been involved in an accident before. I have no idea what I should do.
All I knew was something was supposed to happen after an accident (I later found out that we have to exchange details and licence plate numbers). I just didn't know what (like I say, I am stupid).
So I was late for my train (and hence my bus into DC).
I decided it was only right that I drive home and tell my host parents about it. I don't want them thinking that I only knew play and had no sense of responsibility.
...
So I reached home and my host mum was awake.
I told her what happened. We went out amidst the pitch black darkness to see the car.
I only remembered smashing the glass of my headlights off. The other car was just scratched. I told her that fact-off.
I also told my host parents that I would be responsible to pay for the damages incurred.
And that was it.
I drove back to the train station. Well, the train had gone off.
Too bad. I called up the operator and asked if it were possible that I take a later bus.
By right, it wasn't allowed, and I knew that.
I explained that I had been in an accident. He let me take a later bus.
I can't tell you how relieved I was.
...
My bus was due to leave at 1230pm but it was late.
For a while, I was thinking maybe it wasn't going to run (because when I spoke to the guy earlier on, he had wanted me to be on the 530pm bus since that timing was confirmed. The rest were not! OMG!)
So I waited in trepidation. Mixed with anxiety.
Was that it? Was I due not to go to DC?
Oh well.
When the bus finally came, all I could think of was 'Yay!'.
...
I reached DC at around 430pm. The sky was getting dark already.
There was a girl (whom I have never met; the only connection was that she is from the same agent based in Malaysia) who was supposed to pick me up.
I should say it was both a good and bad thing. The good thing was that my accomodation was all settled and I am grateful about that. The bad thing...Um, I think I will save that for later.
...
I spent roughly twelve hours in DC. Was it enough?
There were a few moments when the girl (let's call her N) and I had a few conflicts. She would say things like "if you end up not visiting many places, its not my fault ok".
Um, from the first email we communicated, I never had the cheek to want to claim that it was her fault if I didn't get the so-called worth back.
What is worth anyway?
"At the rate you are walking, I doubt you can cover many places."
Why was I walking so slowly? Why...I don't know. Maybe because you are from DC and I am staying in NY?
"We waste time like that (I needed to eat breakfast before we set off and to her, that was wasting time) then you don't blame me later ok".
Huh? If I don't eat breakfast, I can't even function. For goodness' sake, I am here to have fun, not engage in survival DC!
"If you didn't come to Washington to see these, what are you here for?"
Um...that one was tricky. She still insisted I didn't make sense after I have explained.
Look. I know she is an experienced backpacker.
I know she has been to Southeast Asia. I know she has gone to China.
But I don't think that gives her a right to make judgmental comments.
(I am trying to convince myself that she didn't mean to be judgmental. I am caught in between.)
Frankly, if you were to calculate the costs of the trip empirically, then yes, I didn't get the worth out of it.
I didn't get to explore any of the museums I had planned to.
I didn't get to visit the Library of Congress.
I didn't make it to try some popular food.
But you see, if you think about it, I almost didn't make it after the accident (no no, I am not hurt. I am just saying, the bus guy could have decided that he will not let me on the bus). So everything from there is a bonus.
Within these short twelve hours, I learnt so many things.
I learnt how the metro works, which is totally different from the subway in NY.
I understood a little more about the geography of Washington DC, Virginia and Maryland.
I realized how important it is to travel with people of a similar personality and/or mindset.
Last but not least, I experienced how inconvenient it can be to put up with somebody you are not really familiar with.
(I will elaborate on the details in later entries)
Many au pairs have the tendency to put up at another's place just so that they can cut down on accomodation.
Well, that is just what I did! Thinking that I was some smart aleck who got a good deal.
But while I am thankful of her gesture, the afterthought was how inconvenient it really was.
She lived about 40minutes (including drive time from the metro station and traveling time from one metro station to another) away so going back to her house and putting down my bags was not a possible option.
And so with that, I had to lumber around with 2 heavy bags.
If you remember, I have misaligned spinal bones, so can you imagine how much pain I am feeling right now after two days of lumbering in thick armour (I woke 4 layers, including my down coat) and heavy backpacks.
The first sensation I had when I woke up this morning was that my shoulder bones were cracking.
No, they are not actually cracking--I don't know how to describe to you but um, they just feel terribly out of place and painful?
And I was thinking about how she commented about the rate I was walking.
Maybe I am not physically strong and fit, but she is clearly not emphathetic as she has claimed either.
...
Was it all worth it?
I guess it all depends on how you define it.
If you are talking about the decrease in expenditure as a result of putting up at N's place, no.
If you are talking about the lessons I have learnt and taking them forward from there, I would say it is a definite yes.
Saving on accomodation at the expense of my body is the worst decision I can ever make.
Staying put at an acquitance's place and having to put up with her insensitive and rude comments is not worthwhile either.
And there are a few other things which I also learnt--and I will elaborate in later entries--which are definitely a plus plus.
So anyhows, I figured I would still be going on more trips.
But this time round, I will very much prefer to be alone.
It wasn't exactly smooth-sailing. Oh well, it started off quite terribly, in fact.
I was up at 4am and all excited to go, only to reach the train station at 430am to realize I had forgotten my train ticket.
Win already, you say?
And so, in my intention to turn home to pick it up so that I can still catch the 440am train, I had an accident.
Yes, an accident.
You didn't read it wrong. I didn't exaggerate.
I was doing a three-point turn and all I knew was, I had checked before I picked the gear into D mode.
The next moment, a car was in front of me and I had hit it.
I didn't take the licence number. I was stupid, I know.
I camt out of the car, all frantic and shaken. And the guy scolded the hell out of me.
The next thing he said, "I am rushing to work."
Huh?
You see. I have never been involved in an accident before. I have no idea what I should do.
All I knew was something was supposed to happen after an accident (I later found out that we have to exchange details and licence plate numbers). I just didn't know what (like I say, I am stupid).
So I was late for my train (and hence my bus into DC).
I decided it was only right that I drive home and tell my host parents about it. I don't want them thinking that I only knew play and had no sense of responsibility.
...
So I reached home and my host mum was awake.
I told her what happened. We went out amidst the pitch black darkness to see the car.
I only remembered smashing the glass of my headlights off. The other car was just scratched. I told her that fact-off.
I also told my host parents that I would be responsible to pay for the damages incurred.
And that was it.
I drove back to the train station. Well, the train had gone off.
Too bad. I called up the operator and asked if it were possible that I take a later bus.
By right, it wasn't allowed, and I knew that.
I explained that I had been in an accident. He let me take a later bus.
I can't tell you how relieved I was.
...
My bus was due to leave at 1230pm but it was late.
For a while, I was thinking maybe it wasn't going to run (because when I spoke to the guy earlier on, he had wanted me to be on the 530pm bus since that timing was confirmed. The rest were not! OMG!)
So I waited in trepidation. Mixed with anxiety.
Was that it? Was I due not to go to DC?
Oh well.
When the bus finally came, all I could think of was 'Yay!'.
...
I reached DC at around 430pm. The sky was getting dark already.
There was a girl (whom I have never met; the only connection was that she is from the same agent based in Malaysia) who was supposed to pick me up.
I should say it was both a good and bad thing. The good thing was that my accomodation was all settled and I am grateful about that. The bad thing...Um, I think I will save that for later.
...
I spent roughly twelve hours in DC. Was it enough?
There were a few moments when the girl (let's call her N) and I had a few conflicts. She would say things like "if you end up not visiting many places, its not my fault ok".
Um, from the first email we communicated, I never had the cheek to want to claim that it was her fault if I didn't get the so-called worth back.
What is worth anyway?
"At the rate you are walking, I doubt you can cover many places."
Why was I walking so slowly? Why...I don't know. Maybe because you are from DC and I am staying in NY?
"We waste time like that (I needed to eat breakfast before we set off and to her, that was wasting time) then you don't blame me later ok".
Huh? If I don't eat breakfast, I can't even function. For goodness' sake, I am here to have fun, not engage in survival DC!
"If you didn't come to Washington to see these, what are you here for?"
Um...that one was tricky. She still insisted I didn't make sense after I have explained.
Look. I know she is an experienced backpacker.
I know she has been to Southeast Asia. I know she has gone to China.
But I don't think that gives her a right to make judgmental comments.
(I am trying to convince myself that she didn't mean to be judgmental. I am caught in between.)
Frankly, if you were to calculate the costs of the trip empirically, then yes, I didn't get the worth out of it.
I didn't get to explore any of the museums I had planned to.
I didn't get to visit the Library of Congress.
I didn't make it to try some popular food.
But you see, if you think about it, I almost didn't make it after the accident (no no, I am not hurt. I am just saying, the bus guy could have decided that he will not let me on the bus). So everything from there is a bonus.
Within these short twelve hours, I learnt so many things.
I learnt how the metro works, which is totally different from the subway in NY.
I understood a little more about the geography of Washington DC, Virginia and Maryland.
I realized how important it is to travel with people of a similar personality and/or mindset.
Last but not least, I experienced how inconvenient it can be to put up with somebody you are not really familiar with.
(I will elaborate on the details in later entries)
Many au pairs have the tendency to put up at another's place just so that they can cut down on accomodation.
Well, that is just what I did! Thinking that I was some smart aleck who got a good deal.
But while I am thankful of her gesture, the afterthought was how inconvenient it really was.
She lived about 40minutes (including drive time from the metro station and traveling time from one metro station to another) away so going back to her house and putting down my bags was not a possible option.
And so with that, I had to lumber around with 2 heavy bags.
If you remember, I have misaligned spinal bones, so can you imagine how much pain I am feeling right now after two days of lumbering in thick armour (I woke 4 layers, including my down coat) and heavy backpacks.
The first sensation I had when I woke up this morning was that my shoulder bones were cracking.
No, they are not actually cracking--I don't know how to describe to you but um, they just feel terribly out of place and painful?
And I was thinking about how she commented about the rate I was walking.
Maybe I am not physically strong and fit, but she is clearly not emphathetic as she has claimed either.
...
Was it all worth it?
I guess it all depends on how you define it.
If you are talking about the decrease in expenditure as a result of putting up at N's place, no.
If you are talking about the lessons I have learnt and taking them forward from there, I would say it is a definite yes.
Saving on accomodation at the expense of my body is the worst decision I can ever make.
Staying put at an acquitance's place and having to put up with her insensitive and rude comments is not worthwhile either.
And there are a few other things which I also learnt--and I will elaborate in later entries--which are definitely a plus plus.
So anyhows, I figured I would still be going on more trips.
But this time round, I will very much prefer to be alone.
While it is not thanksgiving yet...
This was supposed to be an entry due last week.
Well, as with all things, new experiences modify the original thoughts.
The thing is, I don't think that is important. the gist of the entry still stands. That is what matters.
...
Last week, Danny msn-ed me and told me he has been reading my blog pretty faithfully.
You know what. I know there is a faithful following out there. *clears my throat* Thanks so much. Really, thank you.
And he went on to say that he had a song for me.
I was expecting him to want to refer me to some song off Youtube, or send me some lyrics from some website for motivation/reflection but I was quite wrong.
In the end, we were talking on msn and he played me a song by Sky Wu. Imagine, real-time! Live!
>>Ji mo gong lu.
You know, I have never associated this song to be one that can invoke so many emotions but as he was playing it, and after he has played it (when I went on youtube to hear it again), I didn't the tears which were welling up my eyes.
I guess all I could say is, suddenly, I shared the exact sentiments of the song.
Since when did this road suddenly turned so lonely and seemed so long?
...
...
Thanksgiving is not due until next Thursday.
I bet you are as unfamiliar as I am. Well, all I know is 1) we eat turkey 2) it is always the third Thursday of November 3) we say thanks for this day.
Specifically, my host mum is throwing a party.
But whatever it is, I don't think giving thanks need to wait till then.
Have you recounted the blessings in your life?
Just last Wednesday, Brother Richard (who came to talk about the Ten Commandments) was just telling us how every day is a blessing and how we should be giving thanks to God.
Sometimes we forget that, don't we?
Sometimes, we begin to start taking every single breath for granted because we never had that close brush with death to realise how precious life is.
...
The fact is, I really appreciate the support and encouragement the many of you out there are giving me.
Like just yesterday, I received an encouragement email from Weilu about how I could go about handling the kids better.
The day before yesterday, I received replies from my university friends. Bing. Karman. Zhenxin. Ivy.
Gina sms-ed me too and asked me how I was.
On and off, Sebas will msn me words of encouragement, especially when he saw that I am feeling low.
Shufen gives me spiritual support, with insightful reflections about the small and big issues that happen to me.
Jerome talks to me everyday (and sometimes scolds me off for being silly).
And Teng Seah, Andrea, Seng, Elaine, Cass, Hunn, Weizhen...the many others which I may not be able to recall offhand. You know who you are and I am sorry if I didn't list your name here.
I just want you to know everything you have done really do mean a lot to me. Everything.
And I want to say thanks for that.
Thanks for being in my life and for braving this particular journey with me right now.
=) *hugs*
Well, as with all things, new experiences modify the original thoughts.
The thing is, I don't think that is important. the gist of the entry still stands. That is what matters.
...
Last week, Danny msn-ed me and told me he has been reading my blog pretty faithfully.
You know what. I know there is a faithful following out there. *clears my throat* Thanks so much. Really, thank you.
And he went on to say that he had a song for me.
I was expecting him to want to refer me to some song off Youtube, or send me some lyrics from some website for motivation/reflection but I was quite wrong.
In the end, we were talking on msn and he played me a song by Sky Wu. Imagine, real-time! Live!
>>Ji mo gong lu.
You know, I have never associated this song to be one that can invoke so many emotions but as he was playing it, and after he has played it (when I went on youtube to hear it again), I didn't the tears which were welling up my eyes.
I guess all I could say is, suddenly, I shared the exact sentiments of the song.
Since when did this road suddenly turned so lonely and seemed so long?
...
...
Thanksgiving is not due until next Thursday.
I bet you are as unfamiliar as I am. Well, all I know is 1) we eat turkey 2) it is always the third Thursday of November 3) we say thanks for this day.
Specifically, my host mum is throwing a party.
But whatever it is, I don't think giving thanks need to wait till then.
Have you recounted the blessings in your life?
Just last Wednesday, Brother Richard (who came to talk about the Ten Commandments) was just telling us how every day is a blessing and how we should be giving thanks to God.
Sometimes we forget that, don't we?
Sometimes, we begin to start taking every single breath for granted because we never had that close brush with death to realise how precious life is.
...
The fact is, I really appreciate the support and encouragement the many of you out there are giving me.
Like just yesterday, I received an encouragement email from Weilu about how I could go about handling the kids better.
The day before yesterday, I received replies from my university friends. Bing. Karman. Zhenxin. Ivy.
Gina sms-ed me too and asked me how I was.
On and off, Sebas will msn me words of encouragement, especially when he saw that I am feeling low.
Shufen gives me spiritual support, with insightful reflections about the small and big issues that happen to me.
Jerome talks to me everyday (and sometimes scolds me off for being silly).
And Teng Seah, Andrea, Seng, Elaine, Cass, Hunn, Weizhen...the many others which I may not be able to recall offhand. You know who you are and I am sorry if I didn't list your name here.
I just want you to know everything you have done really do mean a lot to me. Everything.
And I want to say thanks for that.
Thanks for being in my life and for braving this particular journey with me right now.
=) *hugs*
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