My typical day

Today is Tuesday. It should be in the wee hours of your Wednesday morning.

These days, I have been missing home quite a bit. I dreamt about my family and my boyfriend and my friends back home quite a bit. Maybe that is why.

But that aside, life has been well.

Pretty much the usual, to be specific.

I thought I will use this very short time that I have (going out to pick the younger kid in 10 min) to describe a typical day.

I wake up at 630am. I get up and cook oats and eat breakfast with my 3-in-1 coffee and that will take me to about 705am.

Then I have to get ready. All ready before I wake the girls up at 715am.

That was supposed to be the plan. Um, I haven't quite been able to do that because I spend too much time on myself.

*laughs*

I guess I spend my time counting my white hairs, which have seemed to proliferate overnight in the foreign land.

Maybe it is something in the air here that makes them grow more abundantly? I seriously don't remember that many on my head before.

Or maybe, it is just age catching up.

Or maybe it is because I am lacking of sleep!!! All the time.

I have pushed forward my sleeping time to 1030pm. I don't know if that will curb those white strands from my head of supposedly-blacks.

Anyway, the girls usually have some trouble waking up. The young one, especially, is quite a challenge.

She takes her own sweet time and I seriously loathe the one day when she will miss the bus and I would have to drive her to school.

Let's pray that that will never happen.

The younger one heads for the bus stop at 815am and the older one is due to be there around 855am.

Then, technically, I have the day to myself.

But of course, that is the idealistic situation. Two days a week, I do the laundry.

I tell you, the amount of clothes the elder girl changes is unbelievably incredibly large. It takes just 4 days to fill up a clothes hamper, both of their clothes load combined.

Which is incredible, really!

*shake head*

And then the older girl is off at 330pm, at which I will pick her up from the bus stop.

After which I will start to get busy again, with duties like picking the younger one from the YMCA and cooking dinner.

It is an easy life. On the surface.

Lurking beneath, the older kid does drive me nuts. She has an attitude issue, which I find it a pain to deal with.

I hate how she is so big-headed. She is so full of herself that I will gladly anticipate the day when she trips over her big head.

But I guess I shouldn't and can't think like that? I mean, that is why I am here for, isn't it? I need to help her to deal with her big ego. No, the parents didn't request this, it is just something I feel I will want to do.

...

So what do I spend my afternoon doing?

I used to think I will be very bored...well, I guess that was how I even contemplated the thought of a rematch.

Simply because yes, I am unable to travel into the city as much as I have planned.

But if I look at things from another perspective, I will realize that that alone may be the key to the fulfillment of other intentions.

For one, I can save the money up and use it for traveling.

I have probably shared with you previously. I would want to travel to a few places, hopefully to Washington, Virigina, Rhode Island, Chicago and California.

Alternatively, it can pay for part of my Teachers' Training.

So really, the options are plenty. If I think hard enough.

I know I have digressed...so let me get back to the question: What do I do during the afternoons?

I practise yoga. Or I study Spanish. Currently, it is just these two.

I hope to get down to writing and maybe even practising on the keyboard. I have found some scores which I can practise with.

Sometimes I go to the supermarket. Other times, I go to the library.

Whatever it is, I am not really bored, and I am glad about that.

Hopefully, I will never get bored. At least not like the previous lady who resorted to cleaning furniture and watering plants to kill her time.

Fingers crossed

I had an accident yesterday.

A car accident.

I am not hurt, so please do not worry.

And if you know my parents, please also don't tell them. I don't want them to worry unnecessary.

It was quite an irony because I was on my way to Church to attend the RCIA when it happened.

Anyway, I remain quite startled and a little shattered in the head.

...

I can only remember braking.

I swear. I brake. I just didn't know why my car surged forward still.

And the next thing I realized, it had hit the car in front in its boot. I was blank.

The driver walked out and shouted at me.

I don't remember what she said. I only remember she saying something about driving being a huge responsibility.

I also remember asking her if her car was ok and feeling scared.

Whatever else that she said, I don't remember. But she was really fierce.

And when she said her last phrase, she shouted in my face.

I was totally freaked out.

...

Yes, life is not a bed of roses.

It never was, and never will be.

It was just a sucky day yesterday. There were other sucky things that happened which I really don't want to mention right now.

But last night, I did wonder if I should be here. I really did wonder.

I wonder if I should ask for a rematch, or if I should just head home.

I am alone here. I feel helpless.

I am alone here. I need a listening ear sometimes.

I am alone here. All alone.

And then I started to question my decision to come. Anyone in their sane mind will probably go through the same thought process as me.

...

I know there were people who admired me for my courage when I mentioned about my plans to be here.

Well, I never understood why they 'admire' me but I guess I do now.

It is a great feat. It truly is.

Well, the thing is, at moments like this, when we sit down and reflect, and question our innermost selves, we will know if we really should be here or not.

I want to be here, so I will be here until the family throws me out.

I want to be here, at least until I have finished my RCIA and get baptised and receive my first communion.

I want to be here, until I have completed a Teachers Training with one of the intended institutions.

Until then, no, I don't want to go home yet.

As to whether I will be here for another year, that remains to be seen.

It doesn't matter right now...but it will matter in a few months' time when they send me the package.

...

It is my one-month 'anniversary' today.

Gee, that sounds so wrong. I mean, today marks the official one month stay.

What have I gained so far? A lot a lot a lot.

Maybe the accident really was meant to be a wake-up call about the hard side of life.

Like I say, life is never meant to be a bed of roses. I guess I forgot.

...

The mexico trip doesn't mean as much to me as my teacher training. So right now, I am just waiting for the dates of 2008 of one particular school in CA.

If God grants me the ideal situation, I will take a 10-day 'vacation' in Venice, CA in July next year.

Maybe you can visit LA (apparently, that is the closest state) then. I think my nights are free.

And if God grants me the ideal situation, I will be baptised next Easter.

My dad is at peace with me. For that, I am so glad.

Whatever it is, I will keep my fingers crossed.

Peace be with you...and you...and you

This entry is long overdue.

I meant to blog after I went for my first yoga class in NYC (which was last last Sunday) but I forgot about it.

Well, then i procrastinated a bit and thought I will write about my half day trip to NYC on the hop-on hop-off bus but I forgot about that as well. That was last Friday.

Then I figured maybe I could blog after my second yoga class, during which I happened to chance across the Farmers' Market. That was on Saturday.

And so it is Tuesday now (it should be Wednesday morning on your side) and I am just feeling tired and too lazy to do anything else.

Finally.

I am playing this CD in the background "natural music for sleep". Um, frankly, I don't quite like it. The first track is giving me a headache and I am starting to wonder if that is the reason why it makes people go to sleep.

Sometimes, certain frequencies of sounds will vibrate at particular wavelengths that tend to stimulate the occurence of different wavelengths, some of which may be predominant of those occuring during the sleep state.

I don't know; it just gives me a headache.

Anyway, I have just returned from a short food-shopping trip at the supermarket nearby. I hadn't really shopped much; I just bought lettuce, beetroots, carrots and apples.

And then I went over to Target and bought a water bottle.

The cluster I just went to is somewhat like our local version of a town center, except that there aren't many small shops. Instead, they have bigger shops, something like NTUC. So if you can imagine, it is like the one in Tampines with IKEA, Courts and Giant. There are just more than three big malls.

...

Almost everyone in the house is falling sick one way or another and that worries me.

Yes, I am worried about getting sick. Very worried in fact.

So for the first time in my 26 years, I slept at 930pm.

Well, and I had to wake up at 620am. Simply because I need to be ready by 715am to wake Grace up and get her day started.

And because I haven't been sleeping much over the weekend, I think that is why I am also falling sick.

Hhmmm...

The season is changing a bit. From hot sizzly summer to windy fall.

The winds are cold cold, for me at least.

Everyone loves the fall winds but I wear a coat at home.

And I kind of think I may want to start on my socks and mittens.

Incredible, isn't it??

...

Last night, I had a dream. I dreamt that it was Chinese New Year and that I had forgotten about the Reunion Dinner.

In the dream, I was outside, and I immediately called home upon remembering (I know it sounds absurd; how can anyone possibly forget? I don't know; I suppose that is why it is only a dream?).

My dad said he had saved a share of food for me. It would be there when I return home.

Any interpretations?

I do have...

Home is the best.

That, I have known but never quite truly felt it until my fall and after I had come here.

You must be laughing your way off: I had to travel across half a globe to know this?

Well, I suppose...some people are just slower to experiences than others, isn't it?

We always spend a lifetime fighting a useless battle at some point in life.

I can't classify exactly what kind of battle I have been fighting. I can just say that, at one point in time or another, the fight becomes questionable and pointless.

Maybe that is just what I am feeling now.

...

I guess many people will wonder how I am coping with my homesickness.

Well, I think it is manageable. I don't feel that homesick actually, except when I suddenly have cravings for my dad's dishes and his cooking.

I do miss my friends back home too, but I am sure they are just as excited as I am in living out this new experience.

So that is really about it.

I am doing ok. I guess the bottomline is, I am contented with whatever I am experiencing right now.

There was a period of dissatisfaction and unhappiness and disgruntlement and even questions about my own decision.

I wasn't sure what I could be here for except to pursue those particular intentions I seek to fulfill.

But then, that alone, that mindset is confining me to the full experience.

While I may no longer travel into and out of the city during weekdays due to time constraint, there were still other things I can do.

I hadn't considered them at all.

Maybe I could go to the library. Maybe I could study Spanish myself. Maybe I could try baking. Maybe I could get started on the book I have been meaning to write. Maybe I can do so many other things instead.

But I hadn't considered them one bit.

And the fact that I hadn't considered these other options, I was reverting to the lifestyle in Singapore.

So why then did I decide to do this? It doesn't make sense if that was what I wanted to do.

If I am already here, why do I want to deprive myself of the experience?

How can I truly experience local life if I continue to remain so closed-mind and so unhappy?

...

Like I say, we all fight pointless battles at one point in life or another.

When we fought that battle, we are always so self-righteous. There is an obsession with our perceptions and our beliefs. Some of which may not even be valid.

And then one day we realize,

Really, everything in life is destined.

Some way or another.

The things you chance on. The people you meet. The places you go. And the timing at which they happened.

You can try as hard as you can to run from it; you are just running away from yourself.

...

Peace be with you, every single day.

Other parts of the house unraveled

These are all sections of the basement. In the basement, there is a huge TV set (for family viewing, I believe, although the couch only has two seats and the kids are in it most of the time). There is also a playhouse in the corner--actually, the kids' toys are everywhere.

I figured I should show you the fridge next. They are amazingly full-stocked. These are snippets of the fridge. The bottommost picture is the freezer and trust me, think of anything and Americans probably have it frozen. There are frozen meat patties for burgers, frozen stir-fry vegetables, frozen broccoli and cauliflower, frozen everything. Pop it into the microwave and it is ready to go. No wonder it is a fast-food nation. Literally.

The family eats quite a bit of junk food (actually, I think most Americans tend to do that) so below is the 'storeroom' disclosed. It is supposed to be a pantry room. And I only thought offices have pantries...(and no, I didn't take the same section twice)

Did you just go "WOW"? Well, I know I certainly did, when I saw the immense amount of food that is piled up in the house. Um, and when I was digging for stuff, I came across quite a number of expired food products. That is the thing: you buy so much that you can't even keep track of what you have in the house.

This area opens out into an external barbeque/relaxation corner. You can briefly make out the couch beneath the glass doors.

The dining table is where we have our meals. The pantry is just behind (you see the white glass door).

I hope by now, you would have shed your expectation of how a house would look like. I will now show you the front side of the house where there is a fire place (of course, I don't think we burn firewood in it. Rather, we burn something that can produce heat; I will find out during Christmas.)

Where the fireplace stands. Um, no, there is no chimney I think.

The living room is continuous with the dining area.

Everything is micro-wave-able here. Oats (!), meat patties, um, name it. There are probably instructions on the package with regard to microwave.

We don't really need to wash dishes here. I say 'really' because I still do it. In the morning, after I have finished my oats, I will just wash up the pot and the utensils and the crockery. Else, if I wait for the dishwasher to fill up, I think I can just go without oats the next day.

Something that I have also noticed is that: the reason why they tend to use the microwave (or the literal fast-food) is because often, there is a general loathing towards cleaning up. I mean, yes, there is the dishwasher, but still...disposable cutlery is quite popular here. Well, now we know why the ozone layer keeps thinning.

I will probably post pictures on the external of my house and my neighbourhood in the next few entries (if I can). Hope all is well with whoever is reading this blog.

My room! Unraveled!

People have been bugging me for pictures of my room. Yes, I have my own room. With windows and TV and high-speed internet access. I figured, since I have some time off today, I could just start on that.

There is a mirror on the door of my room. The door creaks a little sometimes. The rocking chair is my storage place for my done laundry (I am required to do my laundry and the kids').

This is my bed. Um, I am not quite used to the quilts and the bedsheets. See the green quilt? It was supposed to be on the shelf, for winter, I think...but I have been feeling so cold at night I just need to use it. The green clothing is a sweat-shirt. I don't know what you would call that in Singapore but anyway, I wear two of those to sleep every night (yes, two sweatshirts and two blankets). And no, my room is supposed to be the warmest during summer (which is now) and hence the coldest during winter (which I wouldn't know how to survive).

Across my bed is the TV set. I think there are a reasonably large number of channels; exactly how many I have no idea though. I try to watch Spanish shows but I end up not understanding like 90% ...gosh. Sometimes, I wonder if I can ever fulfill my dream of being trilingual.

As you will already gather right now, it is somewhat like a paranomic view of my room. Those windows were open all the time until recently, when I realize the wind is actually colder these days. I can use the house phone in addition to my existing mobile line which I have (and don't need to pay).

I work at this table, or rather, I try to. I haven't done much studying because 1) I am never in the mood 2) I don't quite have the time yet. My boyfriend sent my Spanish books over (thanks!) and I am still waiting for my Yoga Anatomy book to come. I keep saying, I will get down to it when I receive the books...but um...Anyway, I have high-speed internet access so that is really great. Else, I can't msn or even blog!

Alongside the table is an armchair which overlooks the streets along the house. The former au pair likes to sit by the arm chair and watch the autumn leaves (well, Autumn is coming in a few weeks). Hopefully I will grow to appreciate it too.

There is another window at the edge of the room. In front of the room is a keyboard which I kind of thought I could start practising on =)

There is a space which opens up into some storage area. For now, I leave the books (there were some books that were already there; not mine) there. I don't have much use of that really. But I put my shoes (dance and normal) on the rack too.

There is a little opening at the side. It opens into my wardrobe (no, it is not a walk-in wardrobe; I wish). There is a little space (where you see the red sleeves hanging out) for me to put my clothes.

My wardrobe. You see the big box below. That is the heater which will be of utmost importance to me in winter (and now, actually since I am always so cold; I just don't think it is necessary yet).

Before labour day

Today is labour day. I don't get the day off technically, but I do somehow because there is just nothing to do.

Well, I am glad for this break because I have had two days of unfortunate events for me.

One was on Saturday when I drove to Church and I scratched the car with the *tall* (actually, they were huge, imagine, they can scratch a car) shrubs on the side of the driveway.

Yes, the driveway of the house I am staying in.

I cannot tell you how traumatized I was when I also discovered that the side window was bent to the other side and it doesn't seem to be able to bend inwards as it usually does.

And so I still drove to church (um, don't ask me why I did that). My host mum was astounded by that as well.

Actually, as a matter of fact, I didn't realize the shrubs scratched the car until I reached Church and parked and happily got out of the car.

That would make sense, right?

Anyway, it was a false alarm. Oh, I mean the mirror part.

The scratches were real. They cannot be more real, I think.

But I was reassured that it would be done with no sweat. As to how much that would cost, I wouldn't know as yet.

All I know is, I had better start driving with more confidence or I can forget about ever earning a single penny.

...

I said it was two days right? The second day was yesterday, Sunday.

On a very terribly unfortunate Sunday night.

The situation was very ironic. I was feeling a little cold (yes, just a little; I am sure I could have beared with it but I didn't!) and I decided I should get some warm water.

Amidst the darkness I walked down the stairs in my oversized Converse trackpants.

And of course, for the first time in a week, I slipped off in my oversized trackpants.

I fell off the flight of stairs and *tum tum tum* all the way down.

No, there was more than 3 steps. I think there are about 10 steps in all?

And I landed at the bottom...and moaned.

Painful? Of course.

But there was something else amidst the pain.

You know (in case you didn't know), I had a back injury for a while back.

For two years I was in rehabilitation with Chinese physicians/massage therapists just so that I can manage.

And now, a moment of "fally" (p/s: I made this word up) is all I need to get me to ground zero.

I set on the floor, speechless and still.

I was upset because this means that another two years would be lost...

And I think about the many aspirations and intentions that I had endeavoured to achieve; Well, I don't know if they were still possible.

...

I laid crying on my bed last night.

It was painful. Really painful.

My back hurt. And my left pinky hurt (I sprained it while I was trying to break my fall). Well, it is all coloured now. I wonder if it is glad.

Anyhow, I did realize something:

That I was still lucky because I landed on my butt and not fell on my head.

That I didn't break my hand (I haven't seen the doctor yet but I don't think I had).

And as I cried on my bed last night, I asked myself if I want to go home (so baby, right?)

No. I don't.

I still want to be where I am.

And I asked myself, would I have been more glad if I am very sick instead?

My initial answer was yes, but now I changed my mind.

I think I can't be more glad that it didn't turn out worse.

Although I must confess, I do realize that I had better be more careful because I know, the next time I fall like this again, it is definitely a Bon Voyage to home.