NY Sentiments

This is the...*Let me count* sixth day I am in New York already, I think.

People who know about it will ask me on msn how life is...and I usually will reply that it is ok.

Well, it is ok so far, really.

But the thing is, I am still on training so it is really hard to judge how everything will turn out.

...

I was in the hotel for the first few days and while I thought it was informative, I must say I wasn't too impressed.

For one, they had initially forgotten about my flight entirely and we (my host family and I) were all caught up in a mess of contacting APIA for the updated information.

I came as scheduled in the end, on a flight that took me from one end of the globe to the other end, which if I weren't mistaken, it was a longer route.

Not to mention the fact that the promise of being "accompanied by other au pairs on the flight" didn't materialize.

No no, I have nothing against Germans. I just felt it was a little difficult trying to break into the company.

I was transiting at Frankfurt and the other au pairs on the same flight were, surprisingly, Germans!

Duh...

They talked to themselves 90% of the time and for the first time in my life, I really did feel left-out and lonely and I was really starting to regret my decision.

...

The orientation aside, the past few days have been great.

I ate good food--so really, I am pretty sure I will put on weight--and I had a relatively easy-going life.

I learnt about the girls' schedules and I tried to familiarize myself with the roads here, and of course, if you are aware, I am actually bad with directions. In fact, I do anticipate having trouble to remember the parking lot which I have parked my car (I don't know how I will remember).

The parents are nice and the children are ok so far although I really wouldn't know until school resumes in summer.

Anyhow, I willl officially start work on Monday. Yes, the coming Monday.

Am I nervous?

Very very.

But I guess I am more worried about not doing a good job.

As I sit myself in front of the previous au pair and I listen to her talk ab0ut her day, I do have thoughts and wonders about the decision.

I can't say this is the right decision and I do really question my judgment.

But as it is, I chose it and I will follow it through for better or worse.

I chose to sign up for the program and I chose to be matched with the family.

I chose to get disengaged from life in my country and take a year or two out to seek the inner voice that I have been missing, or maybe suppressing.

And for that, I choose to stick to the end.

For the 1001 things in life, it is always easier to give up than hold on.

I have that tendency and for that, I choose to challenge myself once again.

...

I may not have made the wisest decision but I know I definitely made one that had corresponded to God's plan.

And that matters. For me.