My resolutions..um yes, I know it is not the New Year yet

Today was comparatively a much better day than yesterday.

Technically, it wasn't. Really. It was just as sucky. The girls didn't quite behave themselves. E was negotiating--as usual. G was turning naughtier by the day. Their former au pair was away for a trip (which is maybe why the girls have unleased their evil side) and I have to deal with them all alone.

So it really sucked. Big time.

On the one hand, E was always pushing for time, asking for extensions. "Another 10 more minutes?" but of course, kids being kids, their concept of time is always so warped. G will talk as she eats all the time and we will all spend 2 hours in a meal.

Of course, there are the other small irritating irking frustrating nonsense like cheating during board games and watching tv instead of finishing up their homework.

And while I would like to brood over it and ponder if I should just quit it, I won't.

Life is never a bed of roses, is it?

We continually search for things to be unhappy about, for the very sake of being unhappy.

...

I was really frustrated yesterday.

First, my driving class sucked. No, that isn't right. I should say, my driving sucks.

If you are not aware, driving is a big part of my job.

My driving instructor feels that I am not ready for the highway and the way she put it really made me feel so rotten inside.

Not to mention the implicit comments A said to me when I took the car to the mall the night before.

"Um, you got your licence a year ago? You sure?" *With the tone of skeptism and disbelief.

She said it because I had trouble 1) reversing 2) driving smoothly. And I felt so stupid. So so stupid.

Fine, I am psychomotor-challenged. I admit it.

I am. I am. I really am.

Which is why when the driving instructor stated her honest opinion (um, don't get me wrong. I am not fed-up at the instructor; I am angry with myself.), I almost burst into tears.

Deep down inside, of course.

Then, I was thinking, maybe I shouldn't be there at all.

Maybe I have made a mistake.

...

The second sucky thing was with regard to my educational credits.

Part of the Au Pair requirement was that I would need to complete 6 credits in a year, which would translate into 80 hours.

I had earlier already zoomed in on the courses that I like and would want to take. Upon arriving here, only did I realize they would cost me so much money I can't possibly afford it.

And I am sad.

Like this particular private college, it costs $1200 per credit. Can you imagine!!!??

And I am reimbursed only up to a maximum of $500. You can do the math, I am sure.

So...that was out.

Then I realized that hey! There were cheaper courses! But guess what, I can't take them because the timings didn't quite match up!

Well done.

And so I spent the whole of this afternnon searching for courses online only to realize again, the term has started and I won't be able to sign in because the kids are going to school only next Thursday.

Well done. Well done.

...

And you must be waiting for the last sucky thing.

I will leave that for later...later as in later later.

But I will give you some clue: I think it is important to occupy your time when you are here. For me at least. Else, I think I will just waste away. Body. Mind and Spirit.

...

I have decided that I will press on, no matter what happens.

(Unless of course, the parents decide to send me home; that is quite another matter. But as much as I can will it, I am here to stay.)

I don't know how long I will be here though. Sometimes, I think I can stay here for two years. Other times, I feel that maybe 1.5 years will be enough. Occassionally, I will think that maybe I will just be here for a year.

I don't know, and I guess I don't have to know. Yet.

What is more important is that I settle on my objectives for being here, which I have conveniently shelved aside.

And I think I may just be in the right mindset to think and write them down now.

1) Complete yoga teacher training with my idol Cyndi Lee at Om Yoga.

2) Visit as many places within the US while staying in touch with my friends from orientation.

3) Visit Canada and Mexico and maybe the Carribean Islands.

4) Go through RCIA and get baptised.

5) Take up a course which I won't be able to do in Singapore, e.g. Russian, kinesology, Arabic...

6) Become the person God plans for me to be (this is a little tricky).

Wish me all the luck! =)