It is my second day at work in the new place. I hit the gym today. Alone.
I hit the gym because I realise there was no culture of eating together. Everyone in the section is too busy. They are either out or away.
That needs to be adjusted to, amidst other things. People are nice and kind, but of course, I miss my colleagues back at the former place. It is rather different. I just hope it is because it is the initial stage so I have to maintain a composure before people start to warm up to me. I don’t know. It just doesn’t feel *that* right. I guess, it is because I am after all, in a new environment, with familiarity only to one person.
Yesterday, the moment I walked into my cubicle, I was nabbed by a colleague who told me she had work for me to do already! (And she spoke in a rather authoritative tone, which didn’t make things better.) She even added that she had clearance from my supervisor already, which was really unnecessary (my assigned buddy had told her not to scare me off on my first day of work).Anyhow, I shall confess that I really don’t have a good feeling about her at all.
I came to work in a slight stupor. A lot of things have happened lately. My mum was hospitalized (again) last Tuesday, when I was having my test-interview. I only got hold of the news at around 4pm. I canceled all plans of meeting my jie-meis and went down to the hospital. Then, she was in a worrying state. She was in a total state of confusion and she had asked us why tubes were on her nose (I think it was meant to assist her breathing). Finally, after a few days, she had more or less regained consciousness of what was happening…and that is when she started getting tyrannical. Apparently, she was not too popular with the nurses around her. Apparently, she ranted at them and called them names and imposed demands.
I wouldn’t know; I wasn’t around to see.
I really don’t know what to think of it. Should I be glad that she is well or sad that she is still so tyrannical?
Anyhow, she has since been discharged. She is resting at home now. There was no better option. We would have preferred her to stay longer in the hospital if you ask me. At least that way, we would be assured that even if she fainted, someone is around.
Ahhhh, I don’t know. Everyone just tells me to stay strong—yes, I need that.
It is really very trying and tiring. Especially when I have to also handle house chores like washing everyone’s load and hanging the clothes up plus folding them…that takes a lot of time. But above all that, I guess I should be thankful that I have always had the opportunity to do house chores. Because otherwise, I would have collapsed.
Just before she was discharged, we got into another argument over who to administer her insulin. She nonchalantly insisted for me to do it before I leave for work in the morning; I thought that was ridiculous! With her “speed of action” and timing, and our clash in temperaments, it is highly unlikely I will ever get to work on time. I really cannot understand her. Rather, I don’t see why I should be putting up with her nonsense. But anyhow, R had his means and managed to convince my brother to help administer the insulin to her.
At that point in time, I can’t help but agree with N that R really made up my inadequacies. The fact is, had it not been for his interference, I would have had to stay the whole day in the hospital and be impatiently and grudgingly administering insulin every morning, waking up possibly much earlier than what I would have anticipated.
It is always easier to wallow in self-pity and cry the hearts out.
But I think it makes more sense to grow stronger with each ordeal and make sure that self-pity doesn’t get the better of us.
As I am writing, I can’t help but exclaim how much I miss my former colleagues.
And instinctively I can already tell you, I won’t be able to make many close friends here.
I hope I am wrong.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Monday, May 10, 2010
Each day a blessing
When she smiled, I can't help but notice she actually did have a nice smile.
I just don't know why she was so stingy with it. Was it because she was afraid it would be exploited, or was it because she was never genuinely ever happy?
...
It has been very trying for the past few days.
Last Wednesday, my mum decided to check herself into the hospital. She hadn't felt very well.
With some effort, she mustered her way to the A & E department, was warded within half a day and was there for three days. I had visited her on Wednesday night.
We were still behaving with the same aloofness towards each other. It was difficult for me to be nice when I know she didn't and wouldn't reciprocate. Once, she had swore at me for not massaging her legs (and I had wondered why she couldn't 1) ask in a nicer manner 2) done it herself). Another time, she was angry at my sarcastic comment to invite the whole world upon her remark to invite the physiotherapist whom she has seen three times. (She insisted that the physiotherapist seemed really keen to come to my wedding.)
Now, at this point in time, she seems to have a failing memory and a frail frame.
As apparent from her struggles to remember if she had taken her diabetic medication.
She had fallen down three times at home. She needs help to walk even a metre and I had bought her a frame just so that at least a support is available for her to hold on to when no one is at home.
But she is even not managing well with the basics of feeding and all. She can't always see the food. She has an acquired taste and rejects a number of stuff.
She has trouble seeing and hearing. That makes it all the more difficult for us to communicate to her, and for her to tell us. More often than not, she responds with an angry grunt about how we are not doing things right.
...
On Saturday, R and I visited L who has a one-year-plus toddler.
It was a visit long overdue because I had in fact planned to visit her after the baby was born (the last time I met her was when the baby was still in the tummy!) but I was rather busy. And can you imagine it--that was like eighteen months back.
Time really flies.
But somehow, the visit kind of made me a little sentimental. Not the visit per se, but maybe the reflections generated with the visit.
The fact is, I am very fearful of turning into my mother. As I would often confide in my colleague P, I am worried that when I am old, I have no friends like my mother.
You see, I never really know what kind of a person my mother was to her friends. I never saw a lot of her friends. She often kept to herself. She beseeched me--when I was growing up--never to trust people. I suppose then, she probably never trusted anyone.
So at this point in time, when I have to find help to assist us to tide over this crisis, I do not have many people to turn to.
Truth be told, the power of friends as a support network really cannot be underestimated.
Which is why, I had msn-ed L and said I cherish our friendship.
I had in fact wanted to text all my dear friends to tell them that: to let them know I really appreciate them for being in my life, and that I hope we stay as friends in years to come.
...
Now, I am at a loss. I really don't quite know what to do.
My mother's younger sister had come in yesterday and is coming in today. But we can't ask her to come forever. This is not a permanent solution.
But, I really don't have a better option now.
I guess I can really live one day at a time. That, in itself is enough a blessing.
I just don't know why she was so stingy with it. Was it because she was afraid it would be exploited, or was it because she was never genuinely ever happy?
...
It has been very trying for the past few days.
Last Wednesday, my mum decided to check herself into the hospital. She hadn't felt very well.
With some effort, she mustered her way to the A & E department, was warded within half a day and was there for three days. I had visited her on Wednesday night.
We were still behaving with the same aloofness towards each other. It was difficult for me to be nice when I know she didn't and wouldn't reciprocate. Once, she had swore at me for not massaging her legs (and I had wondered why she couldn't 1) ask in a nicer manner 2) done it herself). Another time, she was angry at my sarcastic comment to invite the whole world upon her remark to invite the physiotherapist whom she has seen three times. (She insisted that the physiotherapist seemed really keen to come to my wedding.)
Now, at this point in time, she seems to have a failing memory and a frail frame.
As apparent from her struggles to remember if she had taken her diabetic medication.
She had fallen down three times at home. She needs help to walk even a metre and I had bought her a frame just so that at least a support is available for her to hold on to when no one is at home.
But she is even not managing well with the basics of feeding and all. She can't always see the food. She has an acquired taste and rejects a number of stuff.
She has trouble seeing and hearing. That makes it all the more difficult for us to communicate to her, and for her to tell us. More often than not, she responds with an angry grunt about how we are not doing things right.
...
On Saturday, R and I visited L who has a one-year-plus toddler.
It was a visit long overdue because I had in fact planned to visit her after the baby was born (the last time I met her was when the baby was still in the tummy!) but I was rather busy. And can you imagine it--that was like eighteen months back.
Time really flies.
But somehow, the visit kind of made me a little sentimental. Not the visit per se, but maybe the reflections generated with the visit.
The fact is, I am very fearful of turning into my mother. As I would often confide in my colleague P, I am worried that when I am old, I have no friends like my mother.
You see, I never really know what kind of a person my mother was to her friends. I never saw a lot of her friends. She often kept to herself. She beseeched me--when I was growing up--never to trust people. I suppose then, she probably never trusted anyone.
So at this point in time, when I have to find help to assist us to tide over this crisis, I do not have many people to turn to.
Truth be told, the power of friends as a support network really cannot be underestimated.
Which is why, I had msn-ed L and said I cherish our friendship.
I had in fact wanted to text all my dear friends to tell them that: to let them know I really appreciate them for being in my life, and that I hope we stay as friends in years to come.
...
Now, I am at a loss. I really don't quite know what to do.
My mother's younger sister had come in yesterday and is coming in today. But we can't ask her to come forever. This is not a permanent solution.
But, I really don't have a better option now.
I guess I can really live one day at a time. That, in itself is enough a blessing.
Friday, May 7, 2010
Teary goodbyes
Very soon, I will be leaving my current workplace to begin a new adventure (or so I would hope to believe) in another environment.
News have been spreading rather quickly, thanks to the invention known as the 'staff portal'. And it is not that I mind; it is just that half the time, I can't really fathom the true intentions of people who come to probe about my plans.
"You leaving, I heard?" "Where are you going-can I kpo?"
Well, while I wouldn't be quick to snap a loud "CANNOT!" (yes, with that exclamation mark), I don't usually bother telling the truth.
I will say I am taking a break. And use the break to decide what I shall do next.
Put it this way: If I want you to know where I am going, I would have told you that I was leaving.
Which means yes, you wouldn't have to learn through the portal that I was leaving.
Makes sense?
...
It is a pity that my last few days here weren't a breeze. I was bullied, and made a bully despite so.
Initially, I had been tasked with some simple admin duty for a project, but for some unknown reasons, I was roped in to do some report.
In the end, I was chasing people for information accuracy and sources and writing irritated emails. At the very end, I compiled the report, proofread it, edited it and even gave recommendations as the team's representative!
Clearly, I was being exploited, with my immediate supervisor not even aware of the situation. So, when I went in to check with him, and was taken off the project, someone else apparently tried to manipulate the news of my leaving with this into a different tale.
I don't exactly know all the details of the tale; all I know was, there was a big bully and a small bully. The small bully bully cried, and fingers came to me.
I became the bully.
Wow, you said.
My sentiments, exactly,
...
You know, it really doesn't feel that long ago when I stepped into this place and began my first day.
I know I will definitely miss the people here. After all, else, I wouldn't have to think so hard about whether I should leave. I really could have stayed here forever, till retirement, as much as the opportunities allow.
I know for sure I will miss P, who is more like my mother than my mother. I tell her everything, from my wedding preparation details to my fears to my quarrels with people.
I will also miss L, my so-called "twin" (the colleagues call us that because we hang around all the time). She may be much older but I can connect with her in many ways, and it is a relationship that I truly cherish.
I will miss M, my exercise kaki who is very sporty and bubbly, kind of my temperament.
It has been one of the hardest good-byes to say.
And I just hope there will be no teary good-byes on the day I packed my bag and go away.
Shucks-the thought of it makes me sad already.
News have been spreading rather quickly, thanks to the invention known as the 'staff portal'. And it is not that I mind; it is just that half the time, I can't really fathom the true intentions of people who come to probe about my plans.
"You leaving, I heard?" "Where are you going-can I kpo?"
Well, while I wouldn't be quick to snap a loud "CANNOT!" (yes, with that exclamation mark), I don't usually bother telling the truth.
I will say I am taking a break. And use the break to decide what I shall do next.
Put it this way: If I want you to know where I am going, I would have told you that I was leaving.
Which means yes, you wouldn't have to learn through the portal that I was leaving.
Makes sense?
...
It is a pity that my last few days here weren't a breeze. I was bullied, and made a bully despite so.
Initially, I had been tasked with some simple admin duty for a project, but for some unknown reasons, I was roped in to do some report.
In the end, I was chasing people for information accuracy and sources and writing irritated emails. At the very end, I compiled the report, proofread it, edited it and even gave recommendations as the team's representative!
Clearly, I was being exploited, with my immediate supervisor not even aware of the situation. So, when I went in to check with him, and was taken off the project, someone else apparently tried to manipulate the news of my leaving with this into a different tale.
I don't exactly know all the details of the tale; all I know was, there was a big bully and a small bully. The small bully bully cried, and fingers came to me.
I became the bully.
Wow, you said.
My sentiments, exactly,
...
You know, it really doesn't feel that long ago when I stepped into this place and began my first day.
Although frankly, I don't actually remember much of that first day, but life has been great. I like the easy-going life. I like my independence.
I like my free time. I like the carefree-ness. And I love the people.
And so I can say, very quickly, it has been almost one and a half years.
I know I will definitely miss the people here. After all, else, I wouldn't have to think so hard about whether I should leave. I really could have stayed here forever, till retirement, as much as the opportunities allow.
I know for sure I will miss P, who is more like my mother than my mother. I tell her everything, from my wedding preparation details to my fears to my quarrels with people.
I will also miss L, my so-called "twin" (the colleagues call us that because we hang around all the time). She may be much older but I can connect with her in many ways, and it is a relationship that I truly cherish.
I will miss M, my exercise kaki who is very sporty and bubbly, kind of my temperament.
It has been one of the hardest good-byes to say.
And I just hope there will be no teary good-byes on the day I packed my bag and go away.
Shucks-the thought of it makes me sad already.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
But life is to be led forward
Today I started the day with a low mood.
What is a low mood?
It is not that I am in a bad mood. I am just feeling a little down, that is all.
...
With the contract likely to end in a while, I am in an active search for jobs.
I have been actively searching since February.
I wouldn't say that it has been fruitful. And I am not sure where to point the finger to.
Do I point it to just after University, when I was deciding on a course selection? Then, shouldn't I have just pressed harder with my wild thoughts intentions (whatever they were) and made sure that I stuck to it?
Or maybe I should have just compromised my ideals?
Wouldn't I have done a different thing, made a different choice, and emerged differently?
Or was I too confused? Too spolit for choice? Too protected? Too self-egoistic?
Do I point it to the point after my first year when I could have just taken the less-than-desired scholarship to go to Australia? Wouldn't I have become a professional?
Do I point it to when I was in University? To the four years when I should have persevered harder and made sure I got a better grade?
Well, life would have been *extremely* different, wouldn't it?
Do I point it to when I decided to give up on science? I would have become a Dr. had I just converted to that.
But I don't know why I say all these. Why do I even bother thinking about it?
...
Like I say, I am feeling a little blue this morning.
The fact is, I did have an offer from a prospective agency. The offer is not excellent but it is nonetheless an offer. The sad thing is, I was advised to foresake my honeymoon plans for the job.
"Since plans are not firmed up yet, why not go another time?"
But why should I do that?
I mean, yes, it is kind advice definitely. For a greenhorn like me who does not have a career mould at all, I should be concerned about building one up.
At all costs?
But at this juncture, I ask myself if I should bother.
It is not like this offer is my dream job. I think I will be enticed by it. I think I will enjoy the challenges. I think I will like the learning experience.
But I wonder if my values fit in with the system-the societal system-at large.
Have you ever wondered: Are there so many "other time"s in our life?
I have learnt one thing for sure: for things I feel certain about, I shouldn't let anything dissuade me.
Anything.
Because at the end of the day, they don't live with the decision I made. I do.
...
Just yesterday, I had gone for a test for another job. I emerged from the room downcast and disappointed.
I didn't think I do a good job. I don't think I will make it.
And this morning, I had received two rejection emails regarding my application for another two posts.
Yes, of course that added to my mood.
As I am writing down, I am wondering if I am competent in anything at all.
And of course, I am still dreaming about how life would have been different had I done a different thing during when and when and when.
But I know that life can only be led forward.
And as of now, that job is in the midst of negotiation. I do know where I stand. I am very clear about it, even though I feel that yes, it is a bit of a pity if I should let it go just because there is a lapse in expectation-plan.
Maybe I should console myself with that this is not God's plan.
Or so I hope.
What is a low mood?
It is not that I am in a bad mood. I am just feeling a little down, that is all.
...
With the contract likely to end in a while, I am in an active search for jobs.
I have been actively searching since February.
I wouldn't say that it has been fruitful. And I am not sure where to point the finger to.
Do I point it to just after University, when I was deciding on a course selection? Then, shouldn't I have just pressed harder with my wild thoughts intentions (whatever they were) and made sure that I stuck to it?
Or maybe I should have just compromised my ideals?
Wouldn't I have done a different thing, made a different choice, and emerged differently?
Or was I too confused? Too spolit for choice? Too protected? Too self-egoistic?
Do I point it to the point after my first year when I could have just taken the less-than-desired scholarship to go to Australia? Wouldn't I have become a professional?
Do I point it to when I was in University? To the four years when I should have persevered harder and made sure I got a better grade?
Well, life would have been *extremely* different, wouldn't it?
Do I point it to when I decided to give up on science? I would have become a Dr. had I just converted to that.
But I don't know why I say all these. Why do I even bother thinking about it?
...
Like I say, I am feeling a little blue this morning.
The fact is, I did have an offer from a prospective agency. The offer is not excellent but it is nonetheless an offer. The sad thing is, I was advised to foresake my honeymoon plans for the job.
"Since plans are not firmed up yet, why not go another time?"
But why should I do that?
I mean, yes, it is kind advice definitely. For a greenhorn like me who does not have a career mould at all, I should be concerned about building one up.
At all costs?
But at this juncture, I ask myself if I should bother.
It is not like this offer is my dream job. I think I will be enticed by it. I think I will enjoy the challenges. I think I will like the learning experience.
But I wonder if my values fit in with the system-the societal system-at large.
Have you ever wondered: Are there so many "other time"s in our life?
I have learnt one thing for sure: for things I feel certain about, I shouldn't let anything dissuade me.
Anything.
Because at the end of the day, they don't live with the decision I made. I do.
...
Just yesterday, I had gone for a test for another job. I emerged from the room downcast and disappointed.
I didn't think I do a good job. I don't think I will make it.
And this morning, I had received two rejection emails regarding my application for another two posts.
Yes, of course that added to my mood.
As I am writing down, I am wondering if I am competent in anything at all.
And of course, I am still dreaming about how life would have been different had I done a different thing during when and when and when.
But I know that life can only be led forward.
And as of now, that job is in the midst of negotiation. I do know where I stand. I am very clear about it, even though I feel that yes, it is a bit of a pity if I should let it go just because there is a lapse in expectation-plan.
Maybe I should console myself with that this is not God's plan.
Or so I hope.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
A Saturday's worth
I need to come in on Sat.
What is the big deal, you say?
Why am I so petty, you ask?
Yea, I am petty.
No, there is no big deal.
The point is, there is nothing wrong in itself--working on Sat. My previous work place required me to work on Saturdays too.
I am pissed because 1) it is not because I can't finish my work that I am coming in; 2) I am doing work which I find is demeaning.
Yes, perspectives change.
Perspectives change because of experience.
And yes I am sure, we may all be in one demeaning position or another. At one point in time.
The difference why we stick to it or we don't?
...Its worth.
But I guess, for me, at this juncture, amidst promises of better remuneration and whatever benefits but no career progression, I must be thankful for this exchange.
I have been praying for signs--should I go or do I stay?
I have made good friends here. And I must confess I will miss them fondly.
But...if you ask me,
coupled with the infringement of intellectual rights with no recognition,
having to slave my brain juices for something not worthwhile in my perspective,
and having to come back on Sat (this would have been a pull factor to stay, but now that it is infringed, where else is there?),
I think my mind is more or less made up.
You know. It is really not about whether I come back on Sat and then giving me a make-up on another weekday.
The fact is, a weekday and Sat, are they really comparable?
...
In your dreams, maybe.
What is the big deal, you say?
Why am I so petty, you ask?
Yea, I am petty.
No, there is no big deal.
The point is, there is nothing wrong in itself--working on Sat. My previous work place required me to work on Saturdays too.
I am pissed because 1) it is not because I can't finish my work that I am coming in; 2) I am doing work which I find is demeaning.
Yes, perspectives change.
Perspectives change because of experience.
And yes I am sure, we may all be in one demeaning position or another. At one point in time.
The difference why we stick to it or we don't?
...Its worth.
But I guess, for me, at this juncture, amidst promises of better remuneration and whatever benefits but no career progression, I must be thankful for this exchange.
I have been praying for signs--should I go or do I stay?
I have made good friends here. And I must confess I will miss them fondly.
But...if you ask me,
coupled with the infringement of intellectual rights with no recognition,
having to slave my brain juices for something not worthwhile in my perspective,
and having to come back on Sat (this would have been a pull factor to stay, but now that it is infringed, where else is there?),
I think my mind is more or less made up.
You know. It is really not about whether I come back on Sat and then giving me a make-up on another weekday.
The fact is, a weekday and Sat, are they really comparable?
...
In your dreams, maybe.
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
48 weeks for 52
I would have preferred not to blog about it, but I think I should, because it helps me feel less yucky.
Or maybe it wouldn't really help. I don't know.
...
I just found out that I am not entitled to the 13th month bonus.
Yes, it is not a big deal, I know, I know. I am just kicking a big fuss. Yes, I know I know.
I guess maybe I was thinking in the logical sense. If one year has 52 weeks, then I should legitimately get the 13th month 'bonus', which is really not a bonus.
But no la. The world doesn't always run on logic, as we would all have realized.
As I would think that I have worked as hard as others, sloughed as much, if not contributed my insights, I am not quite at peace with the kind of deal I am getting.
I cannot complain of course; I signed the contract willingly, not fully understanding the clauses and being aware of what is being spelt out.
...
So I thought I should write about it to consider the good side of the issue.
Because life is so se-nang, I can afford the time to plan for my wedding.
Because life is so se-nang, everyone is so nice...and I have had the opportunity to make some good friends.
Because life is so se-nang, I can go home immediately after work and pursue my own activities.
Because life is so se-nang, I can go for time off to play sports with other colleagues.
All that...all that, for a month of pay. No doubt it is a rather hefty amount.
Or maybe it wouldn't really help. I don't know.
...
I just found out that I am not entitled to the 13th month bonus.
Yes, it is not a big deal, I know, I know. I am just kicking a big fuss. Yes, I know I know.
I guess maybe I was thinking in the logical sense. If one year has 52 weeks, then I should legitimately get the 13th month 'bonus', which is really not a bonus.
But no la. The world doesn't always run on logic, as we would all have realized.
As I would think that I have worked as hard as others, sloughed as much, if not contributed my insights, I am not quite at peace with the kind of deal I am getting.
I cannot complain of course; I signed the contract willingly, not fully understanding the clauses and being aware of what is being spelt out.
...
So I thought I should write about it to consider the good side of the issue.
Because life is so se-nang, I can afford the time to plan for my wedding.
Because life is so se-nang, everyone is so nice...and I have had the opportunity to make some good friends.
Because life is so se-nang, I can go home immediately after work and pursue my own activities.
Because life is so se-nang, I can go for time off to play sports with other colleagues.
All that...all that, for a month of pay. No doubt it is a rather hefty amount.
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
A test
Back in the office for the third day. One and a half more day of work and two more (kind of) days to Christmas.
How has it been?
Eh, ok. Am a little stressed up because I need to rush out a chapter (for a book. Eh no, not for myself) and that we are meeting the publishers on Mon. Other than that, so far so good.
...
Do I miss anything about China?
Well...not really. I guess if there were anything I miss, it would be the very relaxed kind of lifestyle. When days seem to float slowly by. When I can sleep at midnight (not because I want to) and wake up at 730am fully recharged. When I can eat pretty much and still lose weight (guess its too cold).
Other than that, nothing really. Although maybe, if I have had to be there longer, I would have tried to make life more comfortable by bringing 'homely' things with me. But since I was only going to be there for a month, I didn't see the need to.
On the whole, I think the trip has made me more bearing and more humble.
I used to think that I can be rather impatient and snappy (attested by my behaviour towards my mum). But I was proven wrong.
My roommate, who is a lady is her 50s, tends to like to call me 'stupid' and 'silly'. Well, and yes, I do sometimes do stupid and silly things...probably unintentionally but nonetheless, it is still irritating.
And of course, don't expect a lady who has lived half a life to tolerate such behaviour.
So, while I dislike being called stupid (and what-have-you), I usually will retaliate with a "Ya lo. I am so stupid lo." I mean, the point is, I never thought of myself as being too clever to begin with.
I don't know what she really thought of me by the end of the trip but when we parted, she commended that I have been very good. Because for the many times she had chided me off, I had never once retorted.
Oh well...
sometimes we really never know who we are and what we are capable of until we are put to the test.
How has it been?
Eh, ok. Am a little stressed up because I need to rush out a chapter (for a book. Eh no, not for myself) and that we are meeting the publishers on Mon. Other than that, so far so good.
...
Do I miss anything about China?
Well...not really. I guess if there were anything I miss, it would be the very relaxed kind of lifestyle. When days seem to float slowly by. When I can sleep at midnight (not because I want to) and wake up at 730am fully recharged. When I can eat pretty much and still lose weight (guess its too cold).
Other than that, nothing really. Although maybe, if I have had to be there longer, I would have tried to make life more comfortable by bringing 'homely' things with me. But since I was only going to be there for a month, I didn't see the need to.
On the whole, I think the trip has made me more bearing and more humble.
I used to think that I can be rather impatient and snappy (attested by my behaviour towards my mum). But I was proven wrong.
My roommate, who is a lady is her 50s, tends to like to call me 'stupid' and 'silly'. Well, and yes, I do sometimes do stupid and silly things...probably unintentionally but nonetheless, it is still irritating.
And of course, don't expect a lady who has lived half a life to tolerate such behaviour.
So, while I dislike being called stupid (and what-have-you), I usually will retaliate with a "Ya lo. I am so stupid lo." I mean, the point is, I never thought of myself as being too clever to begin with.
I don't know what she really thought of me by the end of the trip but when we parted, she commended that I have been very good. Because for the many times she had chided me off, I had never once retorted.
Oh well...
sometimes we really never know who we are and what we are capable of until we are put to the test.
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